Do Goldman Sachs senior partners discriminate against candidates with hair?

In carefully and critically reviewing today's WSJ cover piece (subscription required) on the byzantine process at Goldman Sachs for elevating their big hitters to the level of partner (a.k.a you are now very rich -- WITH status!), I stumbled upon a major insight into the inner workings of the mighty Goldman: They clearly discriminate against people with hair.

I don't actually read any WSJ articles because the print font is so small, but I very much enjoy studying the Journal's little ink-jet photos. As many of you may or may not know, one has not really ARRIVED in the land of heavy hitters until one gets an ink-jet photo in the Journal.

Of ongoing interest are the ones they use of President Bush. When the Journal likes him , they run a powerful, upbeat ink photo that shows gravitas. But when they don't like him, they make his face look kind of scrunched-up and place his eyes too close together. Could it be a strategy on their part?

But I digress...

When doing my review of today's Goldman Sachs article, I noticed that all three of the Goldman Kahunas featured are bald as a cue-ball. Three-for-three!

But this does not a conspiracy make. I only pulled it all together when in my computer-like mind (which only holds pictures), it occurred to me that Hank Paulson is bald too! I immediately called the EEOC to file a claim on behalf of all People of Hair ("POH") as a class action.

I don't know where all this is leading, but I have hired my brother-in-law, a low-level divorce lawyer, to handle the claim. All of you Goldman-partner-wannabe's who have something on their head to put a brush to, should call me right away or rise up in protest on my website: www.goldmandiscriminatesagainstpartnercandidateswithhair.com.

On this news I have also shorted some barber and hair products companies. It is clear to me that since no one with hair will be made partner at Goldman, there will be no rich folks with hair downtown who are able to afford a good haircut. Follow my lead!

Rick Rickertsen is a managing partner at Pine Creek Partners, a Washington, D.C.-based private equity firm, and author of Sell Your Business Your Way. He occasionally writes humor pieces for Blogging Stocks.