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2006, the year in packaging: Mattel gets thumbs down from this family

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A few weeks ago, I ranted and raved about the danger in which I put myself and my children when I struggle to open their toys' packages. I received a lot of comments from like-minded individuals. My favorite: "I am a service tech (HVAC)and a father of three, and the first thing I do when it is time to open the holiday gifts is make my way out to my service van and grab my tool bag ... The best tool for you to have is a set of wire cutters, linemans pliers, needle nose pliers, dikes or some form of plier with a wire cutter on it." Great! So all we need is a fully-equipped industrial-strength tool box.

My children, as they're quite cute and I can't resist them, received several new toys this year, nearly all from Mattel, Inc. (NYSE:MAT)'s Fisher Price unit. I thought I was exaggerating, just a little bit, when I mentioned hunting knives and threat of bodily harm when I wrote my original piece. But no.

One package, that holding the Diego Talking Rescue 4x4 (for which I paid $15.99 at Fred Meyer), took three adults about 15 minutes to open. One metal-reinforced twisty in particular was so well-wrapped that both my dad and I worked on it. Dad got out his new utility hunting knife, bought at Baker's General Store by my mom for a stocking stuffer. The twisty tie broke his knife. To quote Dave Barry, I am not making this up.

Another toy, the Little People Lil' Movers Dump Trucks (suggested ages: one year old), took me over 20 minutes to untwist from its packaging. It only has three pieces, but yet it must have had six or eight twisties, all tied and bent and threaded so securely that I almost gave up and returned the darned thing.

Mattel! What are you thinking? What good could possibly come of this ultra-secure packaging?
Let me just explain something to you: the purchasing decisions are made by parents, aunts and uncles, and grandparents, who barely glance at the toy before shoving it in the cart. Immediately the toy is taken home and wrapped in some sort of Santa-bedecked paper. On Christmas, the toy is ripped open by a young child, who screams at, jumps around, climbs upon, and generally makes a total nervous wreck out of the parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent until said adult finally disengages the toy from its packaging.

All the packaging serves as is a waste of time, resources, and brand-new utility knives.

And to make this parent, most especially, hate you. Yes. Mattel. I hate you.

I suppose you think the goodwill garnered by years of enjoyable play will overcome the 20 minutes of torture (per toy!) that we undergo. But not this parent. Not me. I'm not going to forgive you.

The thing is, I like your toys. Most likely I'll continue to buy them, occasionally, and you can bet my kids' Aunt Betsy is going to keep on sending them the biggest and best and most twisty-tied thing you make. But that's not going to make me like you, no, not one bit.

[I am sending a copy of this blog post to the CEO of Mattel, Robert A. Eckert, and to the President of Mattel Brands, Neil Friedman, who oversees the Fisher Price unit. I'm entirely sure they'll ignore me utterly, but if they respond, you can bet I'll report back to you!]

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Last updated: November 22, 2009: 04:03 PM

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