Spare me the halos. The Wall Street Journal has poetically placed two above the heads of Edra and Tim Blixseth, billionaires who had the good sense to divorce amicably, saving themselves millions and sparing themselves embarrassing headlines.
"Their peaceable parting marks a triumph of hope over history, and reason over money," Robert Frank wrote in "A Billionaire Divorce -- And Not a Lawyer in Sight," on Jan. 2, launching a new column and blog, "The Wealth Report."
Call me old-fashioned, but how can a divorce ever reasonably be described as a "triumph of hope over history"? That description would work for a couple that found a way to save their 25-year marriage -- not end it as the Blixseths have done. More important, even if the Blixseths have found a way to navigate the painful process of divorce while holding onto their dignity and self-respect, there is no way that divorce is ever a triumph of "reason over money" either.
The fact is, both people would clearly be a lot wealthier together than they are apart. Essentially, as the article describes, each of them is giving up use of half the assets they once possessed -- condos, jets, even pets. I'm sure living expenses don't put too much of a dent in the Blixseths' checking accounts, but the basic math of divorce still applies and many of those expenses double. Even for billionaires, it has got to be cheaper to live together than apart.
Plus, studies show that divorce almost always leaves women worse off financially than they were before. And, anecdotally at least, it leaves a lot of men at least feeling a lot worse off financially -- especially if they remarry, start a new family, and still have the "old" wife and kids to support (a scenario that doesn't apply here).
Of course divorcing couples should do their best to split amicably. Anyone actually going through the process quickly learns that there are mediators aplenty out there to help couples navigate the process without using a lawyer. (See, Nolo.com for more on this).
Fact is, it's sad reading about a couple like the Blixseths that once seemed so well-suited, who were able to build such wealth together and seem to have fun doing it -- decide to split. (Gee, maybe wealth doesn't always lead to happiness?). For this reader at least, Frank's inaugural piece -- while a fascinating topic -- would have been far better with a little less applause.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
1-02-2007 @ 4:07PM
sarah gilbert said...
I love your perspective, Amey! and it's totally true... a successful partnership like this is much-lessened by its ending, no matter how amicable.
1-02-2007 @ 5:41PM
Big John said...
History here isn't 1950. History here is the recent 10-20 years. Rich people split, and without a pre-nuptial there is often a court battle over some aspect of the couple's life. It's nice to see them just go their separate ways, so I don't have to read about them at the back of the Journal for the next six years.
1-03-2007 @ 8:48PM
Ashley Frederick said...
Back in 2001, my former wife and I split. Although we were not Billionaires or even millionaires, more like hundredaires, our split was just as amiable.
All I wanted was peace of mind. Nothing, not any amount of money or property can beat that. She got the house, the car, the dog full custody of our son and child support. I got unlimited visitation, gained spiritual and a deep sence of satisfaction knowing that this wasn't going to be dragged out for a prolong period of time.
As God would have it, we both moved out of our home state of New York. She sold the house and made a nice profit,and moved to South Carolina. I didn't care about the profit or anything else associated with the home we both purchased. I moved to North Carolina brought a bigger house than the one I shared with the ex. I still see my son on a regular basis, he is just an hour away.
I truly believe if I would have put material things over my peace of mind and spirit things would have turned out much different (for the worst). I am happy and content and God is Good!!
1-03-2007 @ 4:08PM
Teri said...
I say, hurray for them! My husband and I are currently going through an amicable divorce through mediation, although we are nowhere close to being billionaires. Choosing to get divorced is painful enough as it is without coming to legal blows about money and possessions.
1-03-2007 @ 2:34PM
Shirley Budhos said...
Give me a break! If you're opposed to divorce, then admit it. That this couple did not use the "greed factor" simplified their ending a 25-year old marriage. Luckily, both got what they wanted, and they admit that they had a common history of builing their assets, so what do you suggest? Remaining in a marriage which no longer satifies either or both parties is not a constructive solution. How does an amicable split adversely affect us? By demostrating that civility and respect continue whether they are married or not!
1-03-2007 @ 2:27PM
Jane said...
Divorce is always sad, a sad ending to what once was hope. The point of the article is: don't sweat the small stuff, it's ALL SMALL STUFF. I once separated from a man I'd lived with for 5 years - the only thing we 'fought' over was the coffee grinder, we each thought the other should have it! We sold the house several years later, splitting the proceeds then.
People become so attached to 'stuff;' the Blixseth's could've wasted the next ten years fighting over all of it! Now they're getting on with their lives, not getting tied up in emotional knots over material things. Yes, non-rich people have it differently, of course they/we suffer from sometimes drastically reduced living standards. But I believe that rebuilding your life and circumstances without the encumbrance of emotional, physical, and monetary frictions with your ex is SO much easier and healthier than continuing the fight. Besides, it increases the chance of actually becoming friends in the end, and helping each other out sometimes.
1-03-2007 @ 10:54PM
Steve Kokensparger said...
Great perspective Amey, but in ten years of practicing family law, I've seen a lot of mediated agreements come out one sided in favor of the more aggressive spouse or, in financial situations, the more financially savy. Most mediators view "an agreement" as being a successful mediation regardless of the fairness of the end result because they represent neither of the parties, and thus do not have a stake in the outcome, and they believe any agreement is a fair agreement. I do not know the details of the Blixseth's settlement, so I do not know whether their agreement is fair and balanced or incredibly one-sided, but I can say that there are attorneys out there who only want to help facilitate a fair resolution to the case.
1-03-2007 @ 2:35PM
Bill K said...
Touchy feel good article and Amey has some salient
points. Since wealth is a zero sum game, with laywers
out of the picture a better moniker might be
reason over greed. Too bad they couldn't get along
as well as a couple as business "partners".
1-03-2007 @ 2:37PM
JAMAICANGURLE said...
THESE GUYS ARE PROBABLY THE WISEST RICH PEOPLE I'VE HEARD OF.WHY WASTE ALL YOUR TIME ON VANITY THAT U WILL ONE DAY LEAVE HERE ON THIS EARTH. NOW THEY'VE MOVED ON WITH THEIR LIVES, NOT LIKE THE MACARTHY'S. GREED IS A SON OF A B*TCH.THEY'VE SPENT MANY GOOD YEARS TOGETHER, SO THEY'VE SPLIT THE WAY THEY LIVED, WITH HONORING EACH OTHER, & WITH DIGNITY...THEY'VE SET AN EXAMPLE NOT ONLY FOR AMERICANS IN THEIR MARRIAGES, BUT ALSO IN THE BUSINESS WORLD.
1-03-2007 @ 3:11PM
Brian A. Barnhorst said...
Ijust want to know what wine they were drinking when they got together to sort this out. In vino veritas -- and apparently wisdom, too.
1-03-2007 @ 4:19PM
Bozworth said...
Comes off quite exemplary and WISE...Think too Amy missed finer points such as they WILL continue to "work" together in various biz interests and this afford them that luxury as well as opportunity to continue to "prosper" and be further "entriched". More should use them as an example...people do change and wise folks learn how best to move on , so much better when done amicably and respectful and with the ability NOT to be acrimoniously inclined. Here's wishing them well with their individual and joint futures..we ALL should be so lucky !!!
1-03-2007 @ 3:12PM
doug said...
Now that she's divorced I'm available. : ) She would love a younger man I'm sure.......I'm 36
1-03-2007 @ 5:44PM
scott jay feder said...
I would love to see the studies you claim that say women end up worse off than men. Are we talking about blue collar divorces or middle class divorces or the wealthy. Obviously things differ from state to state but here in South Florida, men are enslaved after as little as 8 years of marriage to having to pay up to 50% of their income to women who could easily work but do not have to due to alimony (and did little, if anything, to create that earning in the first place). The pendulum has swung way too far from the center and women (and divorce lawyers) have become the big winners right now.
1-03-2007 @ 5:03PM
GetReal said...
Unbelieveable blogs. Tell me, who do you all call when you need help? Your lawyers. Car crashes, wills, divorces, tax problems, buying houses, disputes with the neighbors, meritless traffic tickets, people who owe you money on a contract, false arrests - need I go on? Lawyers are here because YOU need our help. We're professionals who provide much-needed services to the public. I assume that these two people were intelligent enough to have their lawyers prepare a binding & enforceable separation agreement once they agreed to the basic division of assets. Plenty of smart people do such amicable "kitchen table" deals, the rich and the not-so-rich, and then they have their deals formalized with a valid contract. Any intelligent matrimonial lawyer encourages amicable resolutions like this one. We count our blessings when we have reasonable clients and spouses who can actually talk to each other. I'm truly sick of all the lawyer-bashing: Blame us for trying to dig people out of the messes they've created for themselves, and then criticize us for actually wanting to be paid for our efforts. Who here wants to work FOR FREE (yes, we frequently are forced to continue to work for people by judges even when we're not getting paid) to clean up someone else's disasater? I'm not getting involved with this thankless chore anymore, and it's bloggers like you folks here that demonstrate that you get what you deserve, and remind me that my decision to get out of this thankless profession was a wise one. Go and fend for yourselves, unless you find a young idealistic lawyer (like I was once) who won't charge you more than the price of lunch to handle your next problem.
1-03-2007 @ 4:25PM
Tim Orris said...
They kept lawyers out, immeadiately saving 30 o 40 % and by doing it this way it keeps the goverments accountants at bay.
I have one question, Where can I send her my proposal?
1-03-2007 @ 4:41PM
SweetK said...
Finally, two people who get "it". Treat people the way you would like to be treated. These two loved each other at one time and there is no excuse to treat each other badly just because they are getting divorced. Both contributed and both are sharing. Nice ending to a long marriage.
1-03-2007 @ 4:34PM
Dee said...
Pretty refreshing and ...... wise. These two are both business people and will undoubtedly come up with new business ventures. By settling this amicably, they have not divided and alienated family, friends, and FUTURE BUSINESS PARTNERS. No one has to choose 'sides'. Hopefully, the children will have good relationships with both.
May their futures be friendly, and profitable!
1-03-2007 @ 4:53PM
Thom said...
Amey, you're commentary and critique of the so-called amicable billionaire's divorce is right on. We're now measuring "success" by the benevolence of our abject failures? As one respondent stated, "This is the current reality and it is no longer 1950." Well, so is murder but we don't accept it in a farcical attempt to ascribe some redeeming value to it. You know, there are just some things we shouldn't so glibly accept. Good job, Amey!
1-03-2007 @ 5:00PM
willy a said...
Are you insane. While it might be "cheaper to keep her". Why would you do that when more than likely down the line somewhere, someone will "cheat" on the other. In that case, the media will have a field day. They have more than enough money, that living the life of Riley will still be something they both can do. More power to them.
1-03-2007 @ 7:54PM
pete kantor said...
The 30,000 sq ft house, the jets, the home in Cabo San Lucas (been there, ugh), their lives sound like a monument to unrestrained greed and utter tastelessness. Bet they don't get together much with Jimmy Carter, whose lifestyle is the antethesis of theirs. But then, he's someone to admire.