Got Cows? America's best rural places uncovered


For the last year, Progressive Farmer has been on the road. Rolling through truck stops, Dairy Queens and Best Westerns; scouting out 2007's Best Places to Live in Rural America. Taking education, crime, pollution and health care statistics into consideration -- not to mention other intangibles like Bingo frequency -- they split the country into five sections and ranked 60 counties in each.

The top spot in the Midwest, for instance, is held by Illinois' Randolph County, known for its annual "Popeye Picnic", this year's theme being "Popeye vs. The Spacemen," which, according to their web site, "is in honor of the 30th anniversary of space aliens attacking and completely destroying our fair city," and promises "many exciting surprises that will guarantee this year's festival to be a major, must-see event that's jam-packed with family fun." As long as it doesn't overlap the Official Wimpy Statue Unveiling, I'm there.

Coming in at No. 7 is Sac County, Iowa, home of The Farmall Promenade, the world's only (I'm assuming) Square-Dancing Tractor competition, founded in 1998 by local Damon Mooney who -- according to their official site -- suddenly "recalled seeing eight men on shiny Farmall tractors square-dancing to music and a caller" back in 1950. For convenience, the "female" tractors are operated by men in drag. Who says America's heartland isn't progressive?

No. 1 overall is Barren County, Kentucky. "People here are just different," says Karin Carroll, owner of Hall Place Bed and Breakfast. "When we came, we had people coming by with baked bread." But were they ever attacked by aliens? You never know. The Van Halen Reunion Tour could blow through at any time.

B. Brandon Barker is the author of the novel Operation EMU.

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