Lawsuits you didn't know you paid for


On November 23, 1985 -- during Pee-Wee Herman's golden era -- actor Paul Reubens hosted NBC's Saturday Night Live, and participated in a skit where his beloved Dinosaur Town Theme Park, threatened by foreclosure, needed a fast $1 million to stay afloat. Pee-Wee's solution: Find a mouse in a Coke bottle. With help from his pals, he dumps bottle after bottle of Coke into a basin until they find that elusive mouse. And when they find him -- yep -- The Coca-Cola Company (NYSE:KO)'s men in black burst in with a briefcase full of money. Dang, those 80s.

For some, the joke has not aged well. Especially considering that in this day and age, in this fair country, Montana resident Bob Craft can not only change his name to Jack Ass, but also sue Viacom Inc. (NYSE:VIA)'s MTV franchise Jackass for "defaming his good character."

Mr. Ass, who changed his name to "raise awareness about the dangers of drunken driving" also sued for copyright infringement on a certain "Andi Ass," a cartoon created for his campaign. AOL Money & Finance has compiled a nice directory of this and other insane lawsuits, which we can all laugh at for a little while; that is, until we realize that one way or another we're paying for them.

According to Citizens Against Law Abuse, each of us, every year without realizing it, pays $1,200 to cover lawsuit abuse. "No matter who you are or what you do, lawsuit abuse affects your life in numerous ways.... Paying more for prescription drugs, doctors' visits, groceries or household items in general? Some of those higher costs can be traced directly to lawsuits or their threat."

Of course, litigation attorneys and citizens' rights organizations claim that lawsuits protect consumers and create a safer environment. Which is true in a sense. However, according to CALA, "less than half of the liability dollar ever goes to anyone injured -- the rest goes to lawyer fees and court costs."

What's a concerned citizen to do? SickofLawsuits.org says to contact your legislator, and provides a link to make your voice heard. But, if you don't want to rock the boat, here are some funny lawyer jokes.

B. Brandon Barker is the author of the novel Operation EMU.

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