Specifically he wondered, since we already know the best place to hide money (answer: a Mr. Potato Head), what's the worst place?
"Ninety-nine percent of the burglars on the street aren't like the ones you see in the movies where stealing is their chosen profession," says the burglar. "They are motivated by more sinister reasons. They are part of organized crime, they are part of a gang or, as in my case at the time, they are drug addicts."
Now I feel better. But his point, of course, is that these chemically dependent prowlers have a very different sense of the term "valuables," and that you should "think like a burglar" before hiding your money in a spot where he's most likely to look for drugs. "All burglars have habits," he continues, "and there were certain places I always checked for a specific reason -- I was a drug addict. I'm sure that other burglars have their particular search areas beyond the obvious drawers and closets, but I bet that most search these areas, too."
So that you never have your money mistaken for a bag of hash, here are the burglar's top five places not to hide your valuables:
1. Toilets: "If it is in the vicinity of the toilet and looks like drugs could be hidden there, I would look."
2. Cereal Boxes: "I'm sure that the people who didn't have drugs in their house wondered why there was cereal spread all over their kitchen after I robbed them."
3. Refrigerator & Freezer: "Many drugs last longer when refrigerated so big stashes end up in the refrigerator. Prescription drugs could also be found in the refrigerator."
4. Medicine Cabinet: "The medicine cabinet would usually be filled with prescription drugs that could be just as valuable on the street (or for self use) as illegal drugs."
5. Bed: "I would toss everything surrounding the bed. I'd check pillows, between the mattresses, under the bed and inside anything close to the bed. This is often where people would hide their guns."
B. Brandon Barker is the author of the novel Operation EMU.