Even though I have an "Alpha Mom" t-shirt, I'm afraid I really fall into the "Slacker Mom" (or "Beta Mom") camp. Do I want what's best for my children? Sure, but I'm not going to give up my career or my sanity to get it. I'll admit it: I let my kids see my cry, and sometimes when I'm in a particularly awful mood I put a DVD on "repeat," lock myself in the bathroom and take a good, lonely soak. While my girlfriends from business school and even my buddy Isabel Kallman (who runs the Alpha Mom network) were taking their three-year-olds to soccer practice and playdates and swimming lessons, I was discovering that I really didn't like singing "The Wheels on the Bus" and trying to convince my own three-year-old that he should go to bed before midnight.According to the USA Today, "There's a backlash brewing ... an anti-Alpha movement is taking hold. Those moms have it together sometimes. They may forget to send back permission slips or lose track of their turn for team snacks ... Some, including former CBS TV news anchor René Syler, have written books advising the Alphas to lighten up." Whenever I see an article starting out with the "backlash" concept, I have to admit, my first reaction is to backlash myself. Not against those perfect moms that I observe, with wonder, from afar (and, yes, sometimes wish weren't quite so perfect). But against the media who's so obviously taking advantage of a couple of marquis moms to brew a controversy that will sell books ... but may not actually reflect the realities of mothering.
The article calls the Alpha Mom a "marketing creation," while in the same breath pitting her against the moms who just don't have it quite so together, who (according to their book titles) let their children run with scissors, and embrace their perfect imperfection.
Like any other media-created divide, it's a fiction, but I can't fault the fiction for having ill will. These Slacker Moms have a kind-and-gentler message: that how a child turns out isn't entirely his mom's fault -- and it certainly won't make a lasting difference if mama forgets to buy candles for his birthday cake or sends him to playgroup with a storebought snack.
If media is going to embrace the not-so-Alpha Moms, I say, hear hear! Up with the Slackers! Here's to moms who don't apologize for neglecting the goodie bags, who accept their inability to sit through Music Together class, who let their kids watch SpongeBob and who don't sweat it if little Braden can't kick a soccer ball to save his life. Here's to discovering the wonder in a piece of trash your two-year-old picks up; here's to enjoying your five-year-old's astonishing tricks with his toy shotgun.
Whoever you are, Alpha, Slacker or in between, here's to holding the awesome task of being nurturer, protector, kisser-of-tears in your hands and not letting go.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
5-12-2007 @ 7:26AM
eeMOM1 said...
We’re not Alpha, Beta, Omega, Slacker or any other dog, computer, or weird mom reference. We did start www.eeMOMS.com (after our names elizabeth and elena) as a result of the gap that has been created by these odd references eeMOMS are simply laugh-friendly moms who are “non-expert” experts. We don't have unrealistic expectations of ourselves or motherhood - we're comfortable with this and do the very best we can without feeling like it's never enough. We need to get away from “me” and get back to “we” . . . the family! We are deeply concerned about our kids and the environment they grow up in and seek to make this world a better place for them. What guides us is our motherly-instincts and listen to our hearts, along with tons of humor to boot!! (Because don't you really find this all so funny?!) To ALL moms, whatever you choose to call yourselves, you're a hero and a true gift! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! www.eeMOMS.com
5-12-2007 @ 7:56AM
Mary Ann LoFrumento said...
As a pediatrician and a mother for over two decades, I have seen many trends in mothering and parenting. I have written books on relaxed parenting, Simply Parenting and I have also worked with Isabel Kallman, President of AlphaMom TV and together we produced a series of back to basics, shows for new moms also called Simply Parenting. Isabel is dedicated to helping moms in many ways and many of the shows on alpha Mom Tv are there to help mothers find solutions to issues which affect all of us. It's not about being the best, it's about getting enough information to make the choices that are right for your family.
Mary Ann LoFrumento MD
5-12-2007 @ 10:33AM
Kathryn said...
I can't believe there is a "title" now, I have been disabled for ten years now, which means, I was a working mom for two years, then was in a very bad car accident and was then forced to be a "at home" mom. I would much rather be working, there is no "relaxed" mom, that is a bunch of horse(you know what) especially if you have a boy. I am calm all the way around, but man holding all that frustration in is just asking for anxiety. I have a 13 year old daughter too, now she was easy to raise, but I also have a 3 year old boy...WOW, he can really jerk that chain, but we try the relaxed way, time outs, taking toys and sometimes raising the voice...that works...but there is no such thing as relaxed unless you have alot of help from friends and family or you have a relaxed child...like to really find one of those!! So, Alpha, Beta, we are all looking for the same thing....to raise our children to the best of our abilities.
5-12-2007 @ 11:04AM
Kristine said...
It doesn't matter what name they call us, unless we raise our children to be caring of themselves and others. To practice good manners, and not be cruel either in speech or deed to their peers and parents.Too many playground interactions are frought with petty selfishness, that parents accept as age appropriate behavior or "kids will be kids". The thing that children need most from parents, mom and dad, is their undiverted attention. Too many children I see today are deprived of their basic need to be loved unconditionally for who they are, not what they achieve. They have things and all they want is more. They meet people who are different from them and they have no idea how to interact in a civil manner. Negativity abounds in the home and the media and they believe this is the correct way to behave. Parents accept these interactions in their daily lives and allow their children to continue the pattern in theirs. Whether you are alpha mom, beta mom, whatever, learn how to be a courteous, social, civilian and teach your children to be the same.
5-12-2007 @ 7:40PM
Meghan said...
There are two huge truths in parenting. 1.) We are horrible judgers of other parents. I don't know if it's because we need to see someone doing worse to feel better about ourselves, or if we all feel like we aren't doing a very good job. This isolates all of us, and makes us feel very lonely and confused. Instead of supporting each other, and helping each other, we are watching for faults and mistakes. It causes these 'wars' between factions that don't exist. 2.) The parenting pendulum swings back and forth from year to year between permissive and authoritarian. Depending on what year you buy a book as to what they advocate for raising children. The entire thing is just all the more confusing. I've bought my share (and agree with the person above who said there is no slacking with boys) and in the end the best advice I ever received came from my husband's aunt. She told me to just trust myself. None of the rest matters that much. Happy Mother's day to all you moms!
5-19-2007 @ 1:38PM
karen, theguiltfreemom said...
As a mother of two who is a more "relaxed" parent, and as a parenting coach who works with moms to question their assumptions and expectations so they can ENJOY their kids, let's stop the judgment of one another. Focus on what works for YOUR family and keep doing that. Nurture your signature strengths. Meet your kids' needs and only some of their wants. Or not. You know best!