Wells Fargo Bank has a good sense of humor?

First, I was amazed to be informed by Wells Fargo that I am in a lesbian marriage with my wife. Yes, the truth is out although I must not have known what the truth was. Wells Fargo has told me that I am a woman. I'm okay with that but I didn't realize that same sex marriage has been legalized in Wisconsin. Wells Fargo must have a very liberal yet uninformed document proof reader.

Second, I must inform our daughter that either she does not exist or that she's really not ours. Wells Fargo has deemed and seeks to document that we have no dependent children... shhhh, don't tell the IRS. Even though it say she's not ours, we've decided that we'll keep her anyway. We do like her a lot.

Third, Wells Fargo has informed me that the house we rent from my brother-in-law is actually owned by us. I honestly don't remember purchasing it. Now though, I'm wondering how to go about reclaiming all that rent we've paid.

Fourth, Wells Fargo determined that I have worked for my current employer for the last 12 years. That must have been one hell of a commute when you consider that three years ago we lived 300 miles from where we are now. Wells Fargo also claims on these documents that it took this application by telephone when in actuality the original information was provided in a personal interview in one of its branch offices. Additionally, Wells Fargo states herein that we've applied for an FHA loan when this is neither our first home purchase nor would I ever borrow FHA funds, even under threat of a slow and painful death.

I'm going to keep these documents for a good long time and I have even considered inquiring of my attorney if the insistent instruction to sign these documents qualifies under Wisconsin law as solicitation to commit a crime. I feel certain that a "mistake of fact" defense would never hold up. In any case, I find the whole thing quite hilarious on its face but really folks, deep down I'm not laughing. Yes, I'm going to keep these documents but I'm going to find myself a different mortgage lender. You can count on that.