Have you ever watched your favorite NFL team and thought to yourself, "I wonder what their locker room tastes like?" The creative team at Jones Soda Co. (NASDAQ: JSDA) is thinking Seattle Seahawks fans have, and has designed a few new sodas that will offer its drinkers just such a taste experience as Perspiration and Dirt.Seattle-based Jones Soda began taking online pre-orders yesterday for its new soda flavors that it thinks accurately reflects the hard work of professional football players. I don't know about you ... but I have personally never watched football and found myself wondering what the players' sweat would smell like, much less taste like. But if by some chance you have found yourself obsessed with not knowing the taste of such things, you are in luck!
Welcome to the world of Perspiration soda. According to company spokeswoman Clare Bowles, the new Perspiration brand soda is "kind of salty tasting," and perhaps even more tempting to your taste buds, it has a "stinky football sock" finish. Wow ... my prayers have been answered!!! I never would have dreamed that my desire for a drink with a stinky football sock aftertaste would be fulfilled.
OK, so maybe Perspiration isn't the taste you are after. Maybe you're looking for something a little easier to the palette. You can choose one of the other new flavors that the company is offering up like, say ... Dirt, Sports Cream or Natural Field Turf. Hmm, not sure which one appeals to me more, the dirt or the sports cream. Decisions, decisions.
I think personally I would choose to try out the last of the new flavors ... Sweet Victory. This flavor is supposed to possess a berry flavor, which is more appealing to me than the effect one would get when being "tackled really hard, you're down on the ground and you get a little bit of the grass in your teeth." That's, apparently, is the Natural Turf taste.
What do you think? Would you buy a soda called Dirt? What about Perspiration? I wonder if Jones Soda is going to try to compliment its Sweet Victory flavor with a new one called Bitter Defeat. Would make sense I suppose.
All you Seattle Seahawks fans out there can head over to the company's website and order your 5-pack of the tasty flavors now.

Michael Fowlkes has worked as a stock trader for seven years and spent the last two years working as an analyst for the online investment advisory service Investor's Observer
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 8)
9-29-2007 @ 2:44AM
Alex Kagin said...
This could possibly be the worst marketing idea for Jones Soda ever. With an already declining stock price, I'm pretty sure creating flavors like these is not gonna help much besides the extra publicity.
10-07-2007 @ 9:58AM
larry on LI said...
this stock will go down in 2007 trading history, as the biggest scam ,a clsic pump & dump. jmo
10-08-2007 @ 7:07AM
samh61475 said...
I just threw up in my mouth!
That is so nasty!
10-08-2007 @ 7:12AM
Dave said...
I think the 'geniuses' in marketing just want to see how far they can go and how stupid people can really be. They are all laughing their proverbial butts off, thinking “WOW, we actually got them to drink sweat and to pay us for it”! People, we need to stop letting stuck up hotshots (and politicians of all colors) manipulate us! I hope that this costs them big, I want them thinking ‘WOW, we got our butts kicked on that one, people are not as stupid as we thought”.
10-08-2007 @ 7:42AM
Lorie said...
#3. Maybe you have just added their next new flavor.
Throw up in my mouth Flavor!
10-08-2007 @ 7:45AM
Vicky said...
That is just nasty.
10-08-2007 @ 8:18AM
shane said...
well those flavors kinda sux in my book accept the lat flavor i guess you can always induldge your sefn the flavor of the Team Elite Odor Eaters Drink.
10-08-2007 @ 8:18AM
Michele said...
Quick, send me 17 cases before they're all sold out!
10-08-2007 @ 8:24AM
bowtothax said...
I'm sorry, but I'll wait until Diet Dirt comes out.
10-08-2007 @ 8:28AM
Tarquinius said...
This article sounds gay.
10-08-2007 @ 8:32AM
crood87 said...
Lol chill out. This is most likely to be used as a gag gift. It will go up on the shelf with the other football memorbilia.
10-08-2007 @ 8:32AM
Cloudydreams66 said...
ok this is just gross. they say you might want to no what sweat tastes like, but i have no desire to! EWWW!
10-08-2007 @ 8:47AM
Bryce said...
Hmmm...How about poo or pee flavored, that would be delicious.
10-08-2007 @ 8:51AM
DAN said...
HERE IS A TASTE DELIGHT FOR YOUR COMPANY
HOW ABOUT MY TOILET BOWL TASTE
YOU PEOPLE ARE F'ING NUTS
10-08-2007 @ 8:57AM
Givra said...
Most of the people posting due amuse me. ;) I think the joke behind these flavors flew over their head. Like crood87 pointed out in post #11, these are done as a gag gift. If you don't know the history of Jones Soda, they have been doing Thanksgiving flavored sodas for years now, in a similar gift pack. They aren't sold to be drank (unless you like the idea of turkey or potato flavored soda pop...), they are sold as an oddity, as a collectable. They didn't mention if this is the case with the football themed ones, but the Thanksgiving gift pack's profits go to charity if I recall right.
Or to put it another way, this pack is for those wanting something silly or unique to give to a football fan. It's meant to be a joke, the flavors are meant to be disgusting. Even if they were good, in general people wouldn't buy these packs to drink, but to collect. So lighten up. :P
10-08-2007 @ 9:19AM
nASTY bOIL said...
I prefer the drug-test flavor in small cups .Dickhead. I hear after you taste it you look like Barry Bonds . Dickhead.
10-08-2007 @ 9:28AM
alecfelinus said...
Good gag, even if it is disgusting. So when is Jones going to come out with real Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans?
10-08-2007 @ 9:25AM
Joe Powers said...
I'd probably buy it if it was Andie MacDowell sweat flavored, but that's just me.
10-08-2007 @ 9:26AM
Lucy said...
They already have that ...it is called Gatorade
10-08-2007 @ 9:28AM
Stinky McFlatulist said...
Great. Now the same losers that chant "We're number one!" as "their" team wins a game can taste victory as they sit on their morbidly obese rear ends doing nothing. Get lives, sports meatheads.