In a New York Times column dripping with sarcasm, the brilliant Ben Stein wonders whether we should give top hedge fund managers some taxpayer dollars to manage:

Supposedly, a number of wizard managers consistently earn more than 40 percent a year for their hedge funds. Yes, I know that this conflicts with every bit of investment and market theory -- or almost every bit. I know that such a thing should be impossible. But, supposedly, magicians like Steven A. Cohen, founder of SAC Capital in Stamford, Conn., can regularly earn 40 percent a year -- often more -- on their capital.

But why waste our time on envy or disbelief? Let's put Mr. Cohen to work for the greater good. Let's have the federal government issue about $10 trillion in Steven A. Cohen National Debt Retirement Fund Bonds. After interest is paid on the bonds, if Mr. Cohen makes 40 percent on the money, the fund will return 36 percent a year. That means that in only two years, he will have made roughly $10 trillion for the taxpayers, with which he can pay off the entire United States federal debt.

Of course, the obvious hole in this logic (among many) is that $10 trillion is an impossible amount of money for even the greatest money manager to create alpha with. Read the rest of column for more of Stein's snarky insights. But snark aside, this may be an exaggeration of the argument for privatizing Social Security: There is a huge, huge downside to funding peoples' retirement through a system that doesn't take advantage of the magic of compound interest.

What if Uncle Sam did issue a bond offering to cover the Social Security benefits of the current crop of retirees, and then allowed current workers' Social Security deductions to be invested in hedge funds and more traditional investments, similar to the way a pension fund manages money?