Here's how Fox Business Network can get viewers

Posted Jan 4th 2008 6:00PM by Tom Barlow
Filed under: Competitive Strategy, News Corp'B' (NWS)

News Corp (NYSE:NWS) today announced that it will revamp its Fox Business Network lineup in response to recent viewership reports showing that Americans would rather undergo a cavity search than watch the shows.

Drawing upon inspiration from its successful Fox Entertainment division, we hear that a number of new programs are under consideration:

Homer Nose Business -- a "Simpsons" take on making 'd'oh' in the food and beverage industries, with field reporters Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Jr. and Moe Szyslak.
24:00 Stocks -- Kiefer Sutherland hosts a new studio show in which CEOs of tanking corporations are subjected to waterboarding and other amusing non-torture interview techniques in order to extract crucial investor information.
American Idle --The 'idle rich' report by Paris Hilton, featuring the latest exposés directly from the wellspring of the trickle-down economy.
Prison Break-- Five-minute updates hosted by Andrew Fastow, Conrad Black and Lou Pearlman, live from their offices in U.S. Federal government facilities.

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? – Stock market gurus face off against 5th graders equipped with Magic 8 Balls. Losers must eat their losses, catsup optional.
The Street-- Heidi Fleiss goes undercover to gather the latest down and dirty insider information from Wall Street.
Malcolm in the Middle - The impact of the Forbes legacy, as reflected by accomplishments of the Bush era. Reported by Steve Forbes.
FOX NASDAQ Sunday -- with Jimmie Johnson, Terry Bradshaw and Jim Cramer-- a madcap hour of opinions, insults and penetrating analysis of why yesterday's market movements were inevitable and why their previous prognostications should be excused.
Your Big, Fat Stock Report --with Peter Griffin (Family Guy). Heh-heh-heh. Booger.

Tags: andrew fastow, AndrewFastow, conrad black, ConradBlack, fox business, FoxBusiness, heidi fleiss, HeidiFleiss, homer simpson, HomerSimpson, humor, keifer sutherland, KeiferSutherland, lou pearlman, LouPearlman, paris hilton, ParisHilton, peter griffin, PeterGriffin, satire, steve forbes, SteveForbes

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

1-04-2008 @ 7:07PM

Dan Barnett said...

Given Fox's proclivity of using film clips of half-naked women; I propose: "Strip Punditry". Each week the Pundit & his well-endowed assistant make a prediction on the movement of a stock price. When the prediction is wrong (as it invariably is on Fox Good News Only). The assistant must remove a piece of clothing. When the assistant is out of clothing the Pundit is removed from the game. Assistants lose a piece of clothing each time all the other players vote that a Pundit is making too easy a prediction. Last one decent wins a slot for his show on Fox.

No writers needed. & I guarantee high ratings.

1-04-2008 @ 10:39PM

Shawn Kimble said...

Due to Fox News' exclusion of Ron Paul from their upcoming New
Hampshire forum, Dr. Paul's supporters will be contacting all of Fox's
advertisers and demanding that they withdrawal their ad buys on Fox
stations or face boycotts.

1-07-2008 @ 12:05AM

BOB said...

Shawn I'm with you, I have already contacted every advitiser I have seen on thier stations and websites, I'd Ask All AMERICANS to do the same, The Fact that they get to decide for us who we get to see makes me sick, I have asked the millions of Ron Paul Supporters online to do the same. Whether you support Ron Paul or not the Fact that FOX uses the PUBLIC airwaves to give AMERICANS thier top 5 picks this eairly in the Game is NOT AMERICAN... BOYCOYTT FOX AND THIER ADVERTISERS...... FREEDOM IN AMERICA