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Disney, no! Don't remake "The Lone Ranger!"


I may turn out wrong about this, but I think Disney (NYSE: DIS) is making a mistake by working on a contemporary version of The Lone Ranger. According to The Hollywood Reporter, this is an upcoming project for producer Jerry Bruckheimer and the screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio. Recognize the names? Yeah, they're from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.

Oh, man, as soon as I saw this headline, I immediately screamed inside my head -- I mean, what the heck are execs at Disney thinking?! I am so glad that even the Reporter article seemed to subtly question the worthiness of this idea, calling some of the elements of The Lone Ranger character possibly "musty to today's audiences." That's exactly what I was thinking! Look -- I know Bruckheimer and the gang are going to make sure this is all action-oriented and that it will have quick cuts and be fast and all of that great cinematic stuff, but, seriously -- The Lone Ranger? You're remaking The Old -- sorry -- Lone Ranger? No, as a Disney shareholder, this doesn't work for me. But here's a big suggestion -- make the storyline supernatural! Have the Lone Ranger chase a group of undead bandits or something. And by the way, please -- I didn't see any mention in the article of who will portray The Lone Ranger, so I'm assuming he hasn't been cast yet, so let me just say that you shouldn't give in to temptation and cast Johnny Depp in the role. That guy will be way too expensive.

This just isn't a strong concept to me. The Lone Ranger is a very ancient brand -- no offense intended, of course, it's just that, again, as a shareholder, I want the studio division to have the best possible chance of making a lot of money. This does not represent the best possible chance, and I don't think this remake will be as successful as Pirates. Disney should leave this one to the competition -- let Time Warner (NYSE: TWX), Viacom (NYSE: VIA), Sony (NYSE: SNE), or News Corp. (NYSE: NWS) roll this particular pair of dice.

Of course, if this turns out to be an enormous hit at the box office, I'll look foolish, but that's okay, I still don't believe that capital should be risked on the project. Besides, why isn't Bruckheimer remaking the obvious candidate from the library of Disney intellectual properties -- The Black Hole! Now that movie is worthy of the Bruckheimer treatment, and would probably gross a ton of bucks and become a Pirates-type franchise. Bob Iger should immediately commission a treatment for it (email me, I'd love to do it) -- and, perhaps Depp would be useful in that one...

Disclosure: I own shares of Disney; positions can change at any time.

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Last updated: May 10, 2008: 06:10 PM

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