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They want me to use less gasoline? NO! I don't have to.

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cryingSo they want me and all my friends to use less gasoline huh? They must tell me why we should. Do they think our driving less is going to save the planet? They should think again.

I have an alternate scenario for them, but it involves economic development and intelligent use of resources. Do I have your attention yet? If so, just read a little farther.

First, it's common knowledge that we can fuel internal combustion engines with fuels derived from sources other than petroleum. We certainly don't have to burn the food supply to do it either. Ethanol and methane for use in powering electrical generation and transportation can be created from wood scrap, trash, brush, algae and sewage. Wind, water, sun, they're all right at hand. I don't need them to give me those stories about "not economically feasible." Make it economically feasible you slackers or just admit that you're open-mouthed quacks, naysayers and charlatans lacking ingenuity and drive.

And just to carry this rant a little further, let me tell you about just a couple petroleum-based products which we could manufacture using base materials other than oil. This might be tough though, there's only about 6,000 of them. You see, only about one half of every 42 gallon barrel of oil goes into gasoline production. The rest is used for manufacturing purposes. Did the anti-gasoline fascists neglect to tell you that?

First and foremost we have everyone's favorite material, vinyl. We could outlaw vinyl home siding and go back to using wood, brick, stone, aluminum and steel. That would fuel a couple Hummers for a couple days, now wouldn't it? How about all those lightweight car hoods, fenders and trunk lids they now produce using petroleum. We stamped them out of steel for decades. Perhaps we might try that again? Have we considered all the synthetic fabrics they create using oil? Cotton is still grown in the southern US. Someone might try giving them a call.

Car batteries, dentures, canvas, fishing lures and shoes, all were made with other materials before petroleum became the standard. Football gear, house paint, rugs, carpet and grease -- every one of them can be created using base materials other than oil.

So, they can't give me this whiny, whimpering sob story about how we all drive too much. They're boring me with their sniffles while they watch their petroleum-encrusted televisions and play their petroleum-generated video games. They should just eat another hand full of puffed, cheese flavored cornstarch from those petroleum-based plastic bowls that they're so fond of. Then they should stay off of the petroleum based asphalt roads, because some of us have some serious driving to do. And we're gonna do it, even at $7 a gallon, whether they like it or not.

Gary Sattler is a freelance blogger.

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Last updated: November 25, 2009: 07:01 PM

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