In a hilarious letter to the SEC (
PDF File), a man calling himself "Benjamin N. Dover III" offers his advice on how to bring the stock market back up: Ban stock sales. He offers several reasons for the idea, and I've included excerpts from his explanations but I strongly recommend reading the whole letter for yourself:
- Truth #1: Stock Market Crashes Are Caused By Stock Sales: "We can safely conclude, therefore, that had stock sales been banned in 2007 the stock market crash of 2008-2009 never would have happened."
- Truth # 2: True Investors Buy And Hold. Forever: "As the Oracle of Omaha, Jimmy Buffett, has famously declared, an investor's time horizon should be 'forever.' Thus, there is no legitimate reason for an investor ever to sell a stock."
- Truth # 3: "Buy And Hold" Guarantees An Ever-Rising Market: "Stock sellers, by contrast, are interfering with the market's natural tendency to ascend."
- Truth # 4: A Rising Market Makes People Happy: "A rising market also pleases investment banks and other firms in the financial services industry, including those that routinely hire former heads of regulatory agencies. Enough said."
- Truth # 5: The SEC's Job Is To Stay Out Of The Market When It's Rising And Step In To Appropriately Alter The Rules When It's Falling: "When stock prices are increasing, the SEC's role is to ignore the market and market participants, thus allowing the invisible forces of the market to work their unregulated magic. When stock prices are decreasing, however, the SEC must intervene to stanch the loss of wealth that flows from a declining market."
- Truth # 6: Stock Sellers Are Short On America: "It is no exaggeration to say that those who oppose a stock sale ban are advocating nothing less than a form of economic terrorism."
Forward the letter to your friends. With the exception of Bank of America's proxy statement, it's probably the funniest thing on the SEC website.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
5-01-2009 @ 11:04PM
Mehul said...
LOL! this was hilarious.
5-02-2009 @ 5:33AM
al coholic said...
Trust me, there is a number, maybe higher than ten, of our Congressmen who would vote yes on a bill that had language like this. Why not? They vote on bills they never read every day! Well, not really every day because they seldom even bother to show up for work.
Read P.J. Orourke's "parliment of Whores" if you want to know how America's Congress works. It's as true now as it was years ago when it was written.