Here's one of those ubiquitous email jokes that has been circulating around the globe for the past few days -- except that this one is actually funny.

The Top 12 Signs the Economy Is Bad

12. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.

9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.

8. Obama met with small businesses GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup, and GM to discuss the Stimulus Package.

7. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children's names.

5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America?"

3. Motel Six won't leave the lights on.

2. The mafia is laying off judges.

1. If the bank returns your check marked as "insufficient funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

A wonderful 19th century writer offered observations in print from time to time. He remains one of our nation's best role models and minds, so accordingly the following economic insights and observations are offered, With Malice Toward None.

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First, why does it look like in this market all of good long plays have been bid-up to $47, and all short plays are trading near $8?

NOTE: Warning: satire ahead.

With companies like Saturn and Hyundai offering help to customers who buy new cars and then lose their jobs, Taco Bell is following suit.

Miami Beach mortgage banker Pierre Dubois's morning began just like any other one. After a few hours at the office, he headed to Taco Bell for his daily fully-loaded taco salad -- $5.49. But upon returning to his office, he received the news that his job had been outsourced to India, and he was being terminated, effective immediately. He would receive severance of just one day's salary plus fifteen minutes of catastrophic dental coverage.

It was at that moment that DuBois realized just what a godsend Taco Bell's 'Lose Your Job, Return Your Lunch" promotion was.

In a hilarious letter to the SEC (PDF File), a man calling himself "Benjamin N. Dover III" offers his advice on how to bring the stock market back up: Ban stock sales. He offers several reasons for the idea, and I've included excerpts from his explanations but I strongly recommend reading the whole letter for yourself:

It is not possible to know what level is the right level to enter the stock market and various analysts, gurus, journalists and economists have been weighing in this week as the market closed at a one month high, with some folks even becoming downright optimistic.

I might add that the true level we have reached is one of amusement to me because we all are trying to call the market bottom. I myself have entered the fray trashing Nostradamus along the way. This is as much hope, as fact, and folks are looking for clues everywhere.

Some are looking at historical precedent for clues. Technical analysts are combing their charts for patterns of market behavior. The uptrend has to be sponsored to some degree by short covering and momentum traders too.

Positive news was reported by Wells Fargo (NYSE: WFC) which said on Thursday, April 9 that it expects to post a record first-quarter profit of $3 billion, up about 50 percent from a year earlier, due to better-than-expected performance from Wachovia (acquired in December) and a strong performance in mortgage lending. This was all it took to send the market higher even before anyone has actually sifted through the quarterly report for themselves -- not due out until April 22.

I am not surprised that the market is up and I have been putting cash to work for the past six months; but not all at once; not without recognizing that I might be early; and not without a plan. This has included buying WFC most recently at $12.00 and selling naked puts at strike prices of $7.50, $9.00 and $12.00. My most recent post on the subject from last month was Chasing Value: The safest bank in the U.S. -- Wells Fargo.

If you have missed the recent market pop do not fret and do not chase it because it could change direction as many have called this a bear market rally.

What might be most prudent at this point, if you believe that the volatility will continue and the stock market will not see true lasting improvement for a while, is to segment the money you want to put back to work into four or five tranches and invest on a regular basis dollar cost averaging back in over time.

Sheldon Liber is the CEO of a small private investment company and the principal for design and research at an architecture & planning firm. He writes the columns Chasing Value and Serious Money. Disclosure: I own shares of WFC and I have open options.

South Park has outlasted just about every other comedy show by keeping itself relevant with current events tie-ins.

I don't want to spoil it for you, but it involves a Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville margarita mixer as a metaphor for the housing bubble and Kyle as a Christ-like figure.

It isn't quite as trenchant as some of the other Wall Street satire that's been making the rounds but it's definitely worth watching. Watch the video below.

South Park	Wed 10pm / 9c
Sliced Hot Dogs and Tomato Slices?
comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

CurrentTV's SuperNews! is an animated sketch comedy series, brings us an animated meeting of President Obama and his senior advisers debating how to solve the financial crisis. It has this one brilliant line: "It feels like a big trick. We keep bailing out financial institutions and they keep paying themselves bonuses." Vice President Joe Biden interrupts to point out "It's like tipping a rapist."

Perhaps the greatest metaphor for the AIG bonus scandal to come about so far.

O, how the mighty have fallen.

A year ago, Lehman Bros. was one of the top investment banks in the country, near the head of the list of dream companies among graduates from the best business schools, paying out billions in bonuses and sending employees on lavish vacations.

Now Lehman has been reduced to litigating over the knickknacks it used to give away at conferences. Bloomberg reports that "Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. has negotiated the return of thousands of Lehman-logoed knickknacks that were mistakenly transferred to Barclays Plc through the sale of the bankrupt securities firm's brokerage unit. Tote bags, umbrellas, stress balls, Tiffany paperweights and other items now stored in closets and warehouses from New York to Chicago will be returned to Lehman and sold to pay creditors, according to a court filing on March 19."

Items currently being stored include:

• 1,630 green canvas duffle bags with Lehman ribbon
• 353 green compact golf umbrellas
• 75 Waterford Marquis Treviso crystal clocks
• 682 white Lehman coffee mugs
• 130 Swiss Army pens
• English beechwood-lined sterling silver box from 1902
• 200 Lehman conference pens
• 12 pairs of Links of London cufflinks
• 24 Screwpull wine openers inscribed "LB"
• 24 Titleist PRO VI golf balls inscribed "LB"
• 30 girl Teddy Bears
• 18 large, ivory womens' F&G stretch snap shirts
• 1 Tiffany shooting star
  

In limited quantities, the items probably have marginal value as collectibles on eBay -- Enron memorabilia is still regularly available on eBay, generally at prices very comparable to what the same item would cost without the logo. But given the large quantities, the merchandise would probably have to be sold at a discount to its replacement value.

I say we offer this pile of crap to AIG executives in lieu of cash bonuses.

With "Bonus Rage" burning up the media wires, people actually seem to be forgetting about the really grim news out there. Stocks may be running up, but bonds and the credit markets show no such optimism, as the ever grim Tyler Durden at Zero Hedge points out. Since bond investors tend to be smarter than stock investors, this is an ominous warning sign in the face of the huge four day rally underway.

The biggest scams of the past few years have had interesting names that, if investors had given it a little thought, might have been a tipoff.

Is it really surprising that a guy named Madoff "made off" with people's money?

Or that Enron made an "end-run" around the SEC to legitimize the accounting gimmicks that allowed it to inflate its financial statements and rip-off investors?

A friend recently forwarded me an explanation of the financial crisis that has been making its way around the internet and I must say: It's brilliant!

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin . In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers, most of whom are unemployed alcoholics, to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Here's the latest PM dose of happy doom. Tyler over at ZeroHedge points out that CDS (credit default spreads) on Berkshire Hathaway are hitting all time highs, implying that the risks Berkshire's (NYS: BRK.B) robust cash machine could break down (and even default at some point) are rising fast. Piqqem Sentiment on Berkshire B-class shares is negative, natch, after Buffett's recent mea culpa for losing money last year. If Buffett has lost his mojo, then does anyone have any magic left?

The House and Senate have reportedly resolved their differences over the stimulus bill, which brings us to the interesting question: Which do you prefer, deflation or hyper-inflation?

Yesterday the stock market expressed its displeasure with the whole thing, sending the averages down about 4%.

My friend Ron Overmyer, the editorial cartoonist of the long running Hollywood Dog cartoon strip, has summed up our current economic situation pretty well in his latest one-frame 'color' commentary. I characterize his cartoon as pick your poison because we got ourselves into this mess by papering over problems of the past, not solving them, and here we are doing it again.

There have been numerous stories about the plight of the newly unemployed former Wall Street hotshot and it really is quite sad. Hard-working paper pushers have gone from seven-figure bonuses to the unemployment office. and in particularly dire cases, they've had to transfer kids to less elite private schools or perhaps even sell an Aspen ski lodge.

All of this could make for a fascinating CNBC reality show styled after hits like The Surreal Life and The Simple Life. Call it The Severed Life. The show would feature recently laid-off high level corporate executives, including former CEOs who left with massive severance packages, there to serve as punching bags: Richard Fuld, Angelo Mozilo, and Ken Lewis -- Oh wait, he somehow still has a job. Lesser-known cast members might include investment bankers and hedge fund managers.

There have already been quite a few music videos about the financial meltdown, but this is definitely one of the better ones. The vocals are a little weak but the beat is strong and the lyrics are very, very tight. It's clear that this song was written by someone with a strong knowledge of the issues.

The chorus "Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Bailing out bankers is bad for our wealth!" is a little bit Vanilla Ice -- or is it "Vanilla Swap" (for all the finance geeks out there).

Watch the video and send it to your friends.