O, how the mighty have fallen.

A year ago, Lehman Bros. was one of the top investment banks in the country, near the head of the list of dream companies among graduates from the best business schools, paying out billions in bonuses and sending employees on lavish vacations.

Now Lehman has been reduced to litigating over the knickknacks it used to give away at conferences. Bloomberg reports that "Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. has negotiated the return of thousands of Lehman-logoed knickknacks that were mistakenly transferred to Barclays Plc through the sale of the bankrupt securities firm's brokerage unit. Tote bags, umbrellas, stress balls, Tiffany paperweights and other items now stored in closets and warehouses from New York to Chicago will be returned to Lehman and sold to pay creditors, according to a court filing on March 19."

Items currently being stored include:

• 1,630 green canvas duffle bags with Lehman ribbon
• 353 green compact golf umbrellas
• 75 Waterford Marquis Treviso crystal clocks
• 682 white Lehman coffee mugs
• 130 Swiss Army pens
• English beechwood-lined sterling silver box from 1902
• 200 Lehman conference pens
• 12 pairs of Links of London cufflinks
• 24 Screwpull wine openers inscribed "LB"
• 24 Titleist PRO VI golf balls inscribed "LB"
• 30 girl Teddy Bears
• 18 large, ivory womens' F&G stretch snap shirts
• 1 Tiffany shooting star
  

In limited quantities, the items probably have marginal value as collectibles on eBay -- Enron memorabilia is still regularly available on eBay, generally at prices very comparable to what the same item would cost without the logo. But given the large quantities, the merchandise would probably have to be sold at a discount to its replacement value.

I say we offer this pile of crap to AIG executives in lieu of cash bonuses.

With "Bonus Rage" burning up the media wires, people actually seem to be forgetting about the really grim news out there. Stocks may be running up, but bonds and the credit markets show no such optimism, as the ever grim Tyler Durden at Zero Hedge points out. Since bond investors tend to be smarter than stock investors, this is an ominous warning sign in the face of the huge four day rally underway.

The biggest scams of the past few years have had interesting names that, if investors had given it a little thought, might have been a tipoff.

Is it really surprising that a guy named Madoff "made off" with people's money?

Or that Enron made an "end-run" around the SEC to legitimize the accounting gimmicks that allowed it to inflate its financial statements and rip-off investors?

A friend recently forwarded me an explanation of the financial crisis that has been making its way around the internet and I must say: It's brilliant!

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin . In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers, most of whom are unemployed alcoholics, to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Here's the latest PM dose of happy doom. Tyler over at ZeroHedge points out that CDS (credit default spreads) on Berkshire Hathaway are hitting all time highs, implying that the risks Berkshire's (NYS: BRK.B) robust cash machine could break down (and even default at some point) are rising fast. Piqqem Sentiment on Berkshire B-class shares is negative, natch, after Buffett's recent mea culpa for losing money last year. If Buffett has lost his mojo, then does anyone have any magic left?

The House and Senate have reportedly resolved their differences over the stimulus bill, which brings us to the interesting question: Which do you prefer, deflation or hyper-inflation?

Yesterday the stock market expressed its displeasure with the whole thing, sending the averages down about 4%.

My friend Ron Overmyer, the editorial cartoonist of the long running Hollywood Dog cartoon strip, has summed up our current economic situation pretty well in his latest one-frame 'color' commentary. I characterize his cartoon as pick your poison because we got ourselves into this mess by papering over problems of the past, not solving them, and here we are doing it again.

There have been numerous stories about the plight of the newly unemployed former Wall Street hotshot and it really is quite sad. Hard-working paper pushers have gone from seven-figure bonuses to the unemployment office. and in particularly dire cases, they've had to transfer kids to less elite private schools or perhaps even sell an Aspen ski lodge.

All of this could make for a fascinating CNBC reality show styled after hits like The Surreal Life and The Simple Life. Call it The Severed Life. The show would feature recently laid-off high level corporate executives, including former CEOs who left with massive severance packages, there to serve as punching bags: Richard Fuld, Angelo Mozilo, and Ken Lewis -- Oh wait, he somehow still has a job. Lesser-known cast members might include investment bankers and hedge fund managers.

There have already been quite a few music videos about the financial meltdown, but this is definitely one of the better ones. The vocals are a little weak but the beat is strong and the lyrics are very, very tight. It's clear that this song was written by someone with a strong knowledge of the issues.

The chorus "Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Bailing out bankers is bad for our wealth!" is a little bit Vanilla Ice -- or is it "Vanilla Swap" (for all the finance geeks out there).

Watch the video and send it to your friends.

I have to admit that I'm a little naïve. While I've long since realized that rich men and pretty girls go together like frat parties and crab lice, I always assumed that the connection was tenuous and unformed. Basically, I imagined that it was a matter of overlapping social circles: bars, nightclubs and restaurants use financial sector employees to boost their bottom line by buying overpriced drinks and over-engineered food. In order to get these socially inept adrenaline junkies in the door, hot spots try to attract models by offering free crudite, well-appointed vomitoria, and... you guessed it, large numbers of financial sector employees. Thus, the models find their money men, the money men get their gold diggers, and the restaurants get a lot of money.

Now, I'm not a total rube. I never thought for a second that this connection was the result of random chance or pure romance. After all, there is nothing like a model to enhance the reputation and self-image of a hedge fund manager. Conversely, after Baywatch went off the air, financial-sector employees became the ultimate means for aging models to parley their looks into long-term financial security. Both groups have something to offer the other; while this may not be the basis for true love, it certainly serves as a stable foundation for a business arrangement.

A message board poster has put this hilarious chart showing that S&P 500 could be in for a rough ride. He writes that "The very rare black swan formation - note both feet and neck are complete and the rare vampire tooth variation is in place. This is very bad. Very very bad."

In his email newsletter, hedge fund manager Whitney Tilson writes that the chart "just about sums up the usefulness of technical analysis."

Madoff should have asked for protective custody
Instead he asked for bail
The judge sent him home in bracelets
When he should have sent him to jail

Madoff admits stealing $50 billion with no remorse over 30 years
Investors and foundations lost millions and are raining tears

A thousand questions cannot be answered
How could this scandal go on so long?
Undetected by the regulators and investors around the world
Who didn't think always winning meant something was wrong

They turned a blind eye while they were charmed by a smile
From a friendly man with a key to the city and connections that could beguile

The Securities and Exchange commission did not do its job
Incompetence in the highest office for three decades
Giving the swindler Bernie Madoff a license to rob
And pretend he was a genius trader when few were ever made

Here's one that I'll bet executive recruiters don't see every day: a résumé on a mausoleum. In Chicago's Oak Woods Cemetery, would-be Illinois senator Roland Burris has had his many accomplishments engraved in stone, in the mausoleum he will (I assume) one day be buried. He has listed everything from his "trailblazing" stint as the first African-American exchange student from Southern Illinois University to Hamburg University in Germany in 1959, to his rather more impressively record-setting position as the first African-American Illinois attorney general.

Interestingly, he has left room for more African-American firsts, and though it's certain he will never be the first minority to serve as Illinois senator, it appears he is fighting hard to be the third one.

Politicians, attorneys and executives aren't known for their creativity in the hunt for a new job, so Burris could be trailblazing in more ways than even he imagined here. Perhaps, in a market in which many big companies are dissolving, leaving executives flailing and jobless, it's time to re-think the staid past of executive job searches. Just off the top of my head, I could see a heavy hitter like Lehman's Dick Fuld (also known for his hubris) having his résumé painted on the back of one of the many paintings in his art collection, and delivered to the office of his potential boss. That may flirt with the "bribe" line, but it's a jungle out there, right? And if any of the auto executives go jobless in the coming months, perhaps they might persuade the pilot of their private jets to fly around Detroit, writing their résumés in the sky with their jet trails.

It's a thought.

This post is part of our feature on Money Losers of 2008. See all 20.

Some claim that Madonna has brainwashed Yankee's third baseman Alex Rodriguez, which I find hard to believe; from what I've seen of her in interviews, she barely has adequate brain matter for herself, much less extra to share. And A-Rod; you make a bazillion dollars a year, dude. If you're going to cheat on your wife and 10- week-old daughter (you dog), this is the best you can do? A woman 16 years your senior with some serious mileage on her, um, moneymaker?

The reported affair cost them each a fortune. A few years ago, Rodriguez received a $275 million contract with the Bronx Bombers, which has come out to around $6.7 million per each postseason hit so far. (Choke much?) A-Rod's jilted wife, Cynthia, sued for divorce, and the couple was officially kaput by September. Settlement terms were not disclosed. Meanwhile, the Yankees, still in need of a clutch hitter, are shopping for Manny Ramirez, who could eclipse A-Rod's baseball star (and his star endorsement value, already damaged by the bad press surrounding his divorce).

At the same time, Madonna was buying her way out of marriage to Guy Ritchie for an estimated $76-92 million. That's a lot of material, even for her.

A-Rod was rumored to share Madonna's interest in Kabbalah, rooted in Jewish mysticism. When it comes to mystery, though, not many are as perplexing as the pairing of these two. What do they share, except funny work uniforms and too much dough? Well, not so much dough, now.

Be sure to check out more Money Losers of 2008.

This post is part of our feature on Money Losers of 2008. See all 20.

I love football players. When they're not entertaining me with their athletic prowess, they can usually be found doing something reckless or saying something ridiculous. Plus, several of them have ushered me to a Super Bowl victory in the 2008 Schaeffer's fantasy football league (Andre Johnson of the Houston Texans, if you're reading this: you complete me). As such, Plaxico Burress is the best of all possible worlds -- a gifted wide receiver with absolutely no common sense.

As you've probably heard by now, the New York Giants suspended Burress without pay in early December after he accidentally shot himself in the leg with an unlicensed firearm. The Super Bowl-winning wideout arrived at a club in Manhattan with the loaded weapon concealed in his pants, but the .40-caliber Glock unexpectedly discharged outside the VIP area.

In other words, Burress's suspension was mostly a formality; it's hard to run those out routes with a bullet wound in your thigh, and he was already battling a hamstring injury. The withheld salary was hardly symbolic, though.

This post is part of our feature on Money Losers of 2008. See all 20.

It's hard to dispute the fact that 2008 has been a lousy year for singer/actress, Jessica Simpson. She entered the year with her new beau, Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys, and was immediately blamed for his troubling performance on the field. The release of her feature movie, Blonde Ambition, went straight to DVD without even blinking. Her debut into the country music realm has all but fallen flat. The kindest professional critique of her maiden country album, Do You Know, referred to that effort as "solid yet simple." The reviews go steeply downward from there.

In defense of the minx with the jinx, I think Jessica Simpson has been mistreated a bit. I mean, blaming her for the flat performance of Romo's Cowboys just isn't fair. But then again, we Packer fans know that those Cowboys are just loaded with handy excuses. It's just a powerful shame that they had to make Jessica Simpson one. Perhaps it's due to the shock of no longer finding Brett Favre at Lambeau Field.

As far as Jessica Simpson's acting career, I thought we had settled that issue with The Dukes of Hazard. As a matter of fact, I thought we settled it with her Pizza Hut commercial. You know, that's the commercial where they made her come out and say "Hi, Yaw" as if it was something she would normally say. Worst of all, they used the cut where her telltale neck tick makes her whole head jerk to the side. I suppose I need to reissue my "Jessica is not an actress" memo to Hollywood.