I've always imagined that one of the great joys of belonging to a Socialist group would be not worrying about the well-nigh incomprehensible fluctuations of the stock market. While other people may lose sleep over the screaming highs and soul-crushing lows of the capitalist economies, hard-core socialists just have to worry about plebian things like political purity, the potato harvest, and whether or not the shops currently have razor blades in stock.

With that in mind, I feel somewhat sorry for the Provisional Irish Republican Army. While they rejected the Communist tendencies of the "Official" IRA in the 1960's, they still self-identified as a "non-Marxist Democratic Socialist" organization. However, when they signed a ceasefire in 1997, they rebelled against this identity and invested their funds in the property market and, subsequently, in high-high-dividend deposit accounts in the U.S. According to some reports, Wall Street's recent meltdown may have cost the former terrorist group as much as $274 million.

Needless to say, IRA financial advisors are currently "in a state of panic," as they are watching their funding (and potential political power) evaporate. There is no word yet on whether or not Baader-Meinhof, Shining Path, or Black September were invested in the market!