On RottenTomatoes.com, recent Warner Brothers release Fool's Gold earns a rating of 10% (out of a possible 100%) and a consensus review: "Full of humorless gags, a predictable storyline and flat performances." Nearly 750 users of The Internet Movie Database give the stock a grade of 4.8 on a 1-10 scale.

And still, the romantic-adventure led by Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson (and featuring Malcolm-Jamal "Theo Huxtable" Warner) scored big at the box office, drawing nearly $22 million to nab the number-one spot for the typically slow weekend. With Valentine's Day on Thursday, the Time Warner (NYSE: TWX) unit is hoping Fool's Gold continues to lure couples into the theaters this upcoming weekend (unless they place a lot of weight in Internet reviewers).

Box-office expert Paul Dergarabedian told The Wall Street Journal that the release date is shrewd marketing indeed. "A great marketing campaign, two appealing stars, and reviews be damned... heading into Valentine's week, it's sort of a natural."

Elsewhere on the charts, Martin Lawrence vehicle Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins opened at number 2, pulling in $17.1 million. In its second week, The Walt Disney Company (NYSE: DIS)'s Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert (phew) took in $10.5 million, moving into third place after topping the box-office charts last weekend.

And in case you missed it, The Hottie and the Nottie, starring Paris Hilton, was released in 111 theaters and earned an average of $225 per site, for a pitiful total draw of $25,000, according to estimates. Write your own joke here.

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

News Corp (NYSE:NWS) today announced that it will revamp its Fox Business Network lineup in response to recent viewership reports showing that Americans would rather undergo a cavity search than watch the shows.

Drawing upon inspiration from its successful Fox Entertainment division, we hear that a number of new programs are under consideration:

• Homer Nose Business -- a "Simpsons" take on making 'd'oh' in the food and beverage industries, with field reporters Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Jr. and Moe Szyslak.
• 24:00 Stocks -- Kiefer Sutherland hosts a new studio show in which CEOs of tanking corporations are subjected to waterboarding and other amusing non-torture interview techniques in order to extract crucial investor information.
• American Idle --The 'idle rich' report by Paris Hilton, featuring the latest exposés directly from the wellspring of the trickle-down economy.
• Prison Break-- Five-minute updates hosted by Andrew Fastow, Conrad Black and Lou Pearlman, live from their offices in U.S. Federal government facilities.

Paris Hilton, who rose to fame as an heiress, is less than 3% the heiress she could have been. Her grandfather, Hilton Hotels patriarch Barron Hilton is leaving 97% of his $2.3 billion personal fortune to charity, leaving approximately $69 (what an appropriate number!) million available for everyone else, including Paris.

According to the Los Angeles Times, "The contribution to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, to come from the sale of Hilton Hotels Corp. and the pending sale of Harrah's Entertainment Inc. after the money is placed in a trust, is the largest in the foundation's history and will bring its value to about $4.5 billion."

But don't feel too bad for Paris. Even if she won't really be much of an heiress, she has already built her own empire based on her grandfather's wealth -- well, that and going to jail and such.

But still, it's refreshing to see Barron Hilton giving his money to people who deserve it. It's hard to imagine anyone less deserving than Paris Hilton, and maybe this will encourage her to stop acting like such a spoiled brat.

When Paris talks, people listen. Or at least branding executives do. And let's be clear, Paris doesn't know much, but she sure knows Hummers.

I'm talking about the other kind of Hummer here, boys. The big, garish gas-guzzling ones on wheels. But Paris is eco-savvy. Paris wants a hybrid. A hybrid Hummer. And a cute one, too. Maybe in green.

Of course, as our sister blog AutoBlog Green points out, that kind of car doesn't exist. Yet.

What do you think, General Motors (NYSE: GM)? Gonna make it happen? Think of the publicity. Or heck, think of the commercial! It would, pardon the pun, blow that Carl's Junior commercial right out of the water. Tongues would wag!

After all, now that more Americans prefer foreign made cars, the Big Three had better bring out the big guns and prove they're really back on track. Maybe GM can design and roll one out just in time for $100 oil, too.

Although on second thought, maybe a Paris Hilton Hummer wouldn't be such a branding success story. Maybe it would be right up there with Cerberus hiring former Home Depot (NYSE: HD) Bob Nardelli to fix what ails Chrysler.

What do you think?

The Michael Vick dog chew toy is so brilliant in its simplicity that I am kicking myself for not having thought of it myself.

I mean, what better way is there for dogs and their owners to register their disgust over the dog-fighting allegations against the Atlanta Falcons quarterback. My hat's off to the anonymous entrepreneurs, who the Atlanta Journal-Constitution says are based in Jacksonville, Florida.

Apparently, the people behind the toy were going to donate the proceeds to the Jacksonville Humane Society but somehow that got messed up because of what the website describes as "squabbling over charitable donations." The toy's makers are promising to donate their proceeds anonymously. I've contacted the website and will let you know if I get a response.

The toy sells for $7.99 and is made out of "state-of-the-art dog material," whatever that means. It also promises to withstand "the most playful of dog destruction."

By the way, there's little if anything that Vick could do to stop the toy since it's satire and clearly doesn't imply his endorsement. The NFL star is learning what many celebrities, including Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan already know: Fame is a bitch.

And you thought you got a lot of annoying phone calls from telemarketers and the like. UCLA student Shira Barlow received a new phone number from her wireless provider after she broke her phone, but there was just one problem: It wasn't a new number. It was a recycled number and not too long ago, it had belonged to Paris Hilton.

According to E! News, Ms. Barlow received text messages and phone calls from Paris's friends asking for information about parties, and they also offered their support for her during her upcoming stay in jail. Once the heiress was in jail of course, the calls tapered off. After her appearance on Larry King, Barlow received a text saying that "It's disgusting how they treated you in there, but once again you have showed the world that you can do anything."

Interestingly, Barlow has opted not to change her number, according to the Los Angeles Times, because the messages from Paris's friends have been more entertaining than annoying.

I wonder how many people would opt not to change their numbers. I'm guessing most young people would get a kick out of "being" Paris Hilton, at least on the phone. It's fun to feel like a celebrity.

Hilton (NYSE: HLT) volatility and volume elevated prior to Blackstone paying $26 billion. HLT announced Blackstone Group (NYSE: BX) will acquire all the outstanding common stock of HLT for $47.50 per share. HLT closed at $36.05. I reported near the close of trading on 7/3/07 "option volume & volatility Elevated as HLT rallies 6%." HLT total volume of 32,490 contracts and HLT July option implied volatility of 39 was aggressive, above its 26-week average of 31 according to Track Data, suggesting larger risk.

Daily Option Update is provided by Stock Options Specialist Paul Foster of theflyonthewall.com.

As the New York Times Dealbook pointed out yesterday, references to Paris Hilton and jokes at her expense have become all too widespread of late. For that reason, this post will endeavor to contain only a modest number of Paris Hilton jokes.

Bill Gross, the once-proud bond guru at PIMCO, mentioned Paris Hilton three times in his July Investment Outlook:

Whew, that was a close one! Ugly for a few days I guess, but it could have been much worse! No, I refer not to Paris Hilton upon her initial release from the LA County pokey after serving three days of hard time, but to the Bear Stearns/subprime crisis.

TMZ.com is reporting that heiress turned jailbird Paris Hilton has been offered $1 million to present a one-hour course at the The Learning Annex Real Estate and Wealth Expos in Seattle, Chicago, New York and Boston. The subject of the class would reportedly be "How to build your brand."

For a normal provider of education, hiring Paris Hilton as a teacher would probably be seen as something of a credibility killer. Not so for The Learning Annex. If you haven't seen the late-night infomercials, the Real Estate and Wealth Expos feature gurus including self-promoters like Robert Kiyosaki and Donald Trump, and convicted robber Russ Whitney. So The Learning Annex has a reputation slightly above that of O.J. Simpson.

But I'm not just writing this to knock on The Learning Annex. That's already been done before, most notably by the real estate guru's guru John T. Reed.

Actually, a seminar on branding by Paris Hilton might actually be less ridiculous than a seminar on real estate by Robert Kiyosaki. Paris Hilton was able to license her name to a brand of perfume, without any tangible success as anything other than being Paris Hilton. Robert Kiyosaki on the other hand, appears to have little in the way of a track record of success in anything other than building a brand around his own name. I would argue that the same is true of Donald Trump.

So while the idea of Paris Hilton teaching a class at a real estate and wealth expo might seem crazy, I would say she's more qualified to teach that class than a lot of the current faculty are to teach about real estate and wealth.

Last week, I went on a bit of a rant after learning from The New York Post that General Electric's (NYSE: GE) NBC Networks was considering shelling out $1 million to book Paris Hilton's first post-prison interview. Evidently, the Post was misinformed; late last week, NBC officials denied this claim. Now the other major networks - Walt Disney's (NYSE: DIS) ABC (employer of Hilton family friend Barbara Walters) and CBS Corp.'s (NYSE: CBS) eponymous network have all abandoned thoughts of an interview with the Hilton Hotels (NYSE: HLT) heiress.

A piece in The L.A. Times over the weekend noted that the decision across the 3 major networks came after an "intense jostling" between the "news" divisions for a sit-down with the socialite, who will be released from incarceration sometime today after serving a stint for probation violations related to a drunken-driving charge.

Talking heads with the networks are scrambling to defend the integrity of their organizations. A spokeswoman with NBC noted that "NBC News doesn't pay for interviews, period," while a former senior vice president with the Peacock network's news division implied that no one should benefit financially from a stint in jail.

Time Warner (NYSE: TWX) unit CNN has now reportedly booked Hilton for a sit-down with Larry King, but is offering no compensation. According to a (free) statement offered from behind bars to Ryan Seacrest, Paris now answers to a higher power than money. "I think that God makes everything happen for a reason," she told the entertainment-news correspondent, "and this is my time to figure out what my purpose is in life."

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

I don't blame Paris Hilton and her family for trying to sell their story.

After all, why should multinational conglomerates be the only ones who get rich off her misfortune? Why shouldn't the supposedly stupid blond heiress get a piece of the action?

Brian Montopoli wonders on CBS Corp's (NYSE: CBS) PublicEye blog whether paying for an interview with Hilton would be the worst thing in the world.

"Why don't they just pay for these interviews and then disclose that they've done so to their audience? " he writes. "Wouldn't that ultimately be more journalistically honest -- and even, on this skewed scale, more ethical."

Good point.

General Electric (NYSE: GE) shareholders, listen up ... you may have a grievance or two for the next shareholder meeting with regard to how certain company divisions are spending their money. Today's New York Post reports that GE unit NBC Network has agreed to shell out up to $1 million for Paris Hilton's first televised interview once she is sprung from her time in the big house. Rumors from within the walls range from Paris finding religion, vowing to never drink and drive again (should she be applauded for deciding to simply follow the law?), and deciding to forgo her "dumb" act for a more mature persona.

The interview (I'm guessing, full of softball questions) will be conducted by Today Show co-host Meredith Vieira (per Paris' request) on the day (reportedly sometime next week) after the Hilton Hotels (NYSE: HLT) heiress is sprung. The Walt Disney Co.'s (NYSE: DIS) ABC Networks was assuming it had the rights to the first post-jail interview because its first lady of journalism, Barbara Walters, has become close with Paris's mom, Kathy, and has even talked to Paris during her incarceration. According to the Post, ABC was evidently the front-runner until NBC's president made a personal appeal to Paris' father.

People, we've got a years-long war going on. Environmental concerns are increasing, the cost of oil is crippling many, the housing market is in shambles. And did I mention the country has hardly been more divided? Why is this famous-for-being-famous vapid girl consuming so much of our nation's time, mental energy, and other resources? Well, I'm writing up this story, knowing people will want to read it, so I just answered my own question (although the bigger question of why Miss Hilton has created this perpetuating cycle of intrigue still remains).

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

In a perhaps somewhat misguided turn that could make carnivores out of the strictest vegetarians (I'm kidding, folks), animal-rights group PETA is considering signing the polarizing Paris Hilton as its latest spokeswoman.

Playing on the fact that the Hilton Hotels (NYSE: HLT) heiress and party girl is currently spending time behind bars, PETA officials hope Ms. Hilton grows to empathize with chickens and other animals who live out their days in cramped, confined spaces.

A PETA spokesperson told MSNBC's gossip columnist that "We're asking Paris to narrate our Kentucky Fried Cruelty video showing how chickens are routinely crammed into tiny cages and suffer broken wings and legs ... unlike inmates at the jail in L.A., these animals get no reprieve or medical treatment."

The group even has the tag line sewn up "KFC - that's not hot." My opinion? That's not creative, and the Yum! Brands (NYSE: YUM) chain should have nothing to worry about. While the ethical treatment of animals is an important issue, perhaps a more sympathetic, thoughtful spokesperson would better convey the severity of the problem. KFC officials say their chicken is purchased from suppliers such as Tyson Foods (NYSE: TSN) and Perdue Farms, which are all routinely monitored for animal welfare violations.

While Paris has yet to respond, PETA is encouraged by the precedent of Martha Stewart narrating an anti-fur video after her incarceration.

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

Professional blond Paris Hilton has got some deep-pocketed fans in corporate America, including Comcast Corp. (NASDAQ: CMCSA), Warner Music Group Corp. (NYSE: WMG) and Time Warner Inc. (NYSE: TWX), who are hoping that she can pay her debt to society pretty quickly.

Hilton, who was released from jail this morning because of a medical condition, has shrewdly cashed in on her notoriety. She deserves a gold medal for parlaying her 15 minutes of fame into a show-business career. She's responsible for many awful trends including the growth in popularity of small toy-sized dogs and celebrity sex tapes. Her economic impact is undeniable.

Though she's confined to her home for the next 40 days, expect to see quite a bit more of the ditzy heiress America loves to hate.

Comcast's E! cable network is the newest home to The Simple Life. In the latest season of the show that refuses to die, Hilton and her sometimes BFF (best friend forever), Nicole Richie, are camp counselors who, among other things, motivate a group of overweight children to live healthier. No word if binging and purging will be covered.

For reasons best known to CEO Edgar Bronfman, Warner Music is putting out Hilton's album Paris, which is on sale for $19.98. Time Warner's TMZ.com site and other entertainment sites can count on millions of people hitting their pages for the latest gossip on Hliton. By the way, TMZ is reporting that Hilton's problem is emotional, not physical.

I neglected to mention her contribution to literature. Speculation was rampant that Hilton was planning a book about her prison experience, which I guess now is out the window since she didn't actually spend much time in the slammer. Hilton, though, is pretty resourceful and will no doubt pen a sequel to Confessions of an Heiress once she recovers from her ordeal.

Remember that corporate America profits handsomely from pop culture fads, even bad ones.

Fans of the cancelled CBS Corp (NYSE: CBS) series Jericho (who knew there were any?) have organized an unusual protest campaign in hopes of convincing the network to bring back the serial drama. The protest plays upon the response of WWII General McCauliffe to a German order to surrender, "Nuts," which was quoted by a Jericho character under attack. Fans are shipping bag after bag of nuts, over 25,000 lbs. to date, to the network to illustrate their passion for the series.

Here's where it gets interesting. Instead of shipping the nuts themselves, the campaign is using the services of nutsonline.com, which offers a turnkey solution to the busy executive protester. In effect, their passion has become nutsonline.com's windfall. Not to mention the snack-deprived CBS employees.