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News Corp (NYSE:NWS) today announced that it will revamp its Fox Business Network lineup in response to recent viewership reports showing that Americans would rather undergo a cavity search than watch the shows.
Drawing upon inspiration from its successful Fox Entertainment division, we hear that a number of new programs are under consideration:
- Homer Nose Business -- a "Simpsons" take on making 'd'oh' in the food and beverage industries, with field reporters Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Jr. and Moe Szyslak.
- 24:00 Stocks -- Kiefer Sutherland hosts a new studio show in which CEOs of tanking corporations are subjected to waterboarding and other amusing non-torture interview techniques in order to extract crucial investor information.
- American Idle --The 'idle rich' report by Paris Hilton, featuring the latest exposés directly from the wellspring of the trickle-down economy.
- Prison Break-- Five-minute updates hosted by Andrew Fastow, Conrad Black and Lou Pearlman, live from their offices in U.S. Federal government facilities.
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