In a New York Times column dripping with sarcasm, the brilliant Ben Stein wonders whether we should give top hedge fund managers some taxpayer dollars to manage:

Supposedly, a number of wizard managers consistently earn more than 40 percent a year for their hedge funds. Yes, I know that this conflicts with every bit of investment and market theory -- or almost every bit. I know that such a thing should be impossible. But, supposedly, magicians like Steven A. Cohen, founder of SAC Capital in Stamford, Conn., can regularly earn 40 percent a year -- often more -- on their capital.

But why waste our time on envy or disbelief? Let's put Mr. Cohen to work for the greater good. Let's have the federal government issue about $10 trillion in Steven A. Cohen National Debt Retirement Fund Bonds. After interest is paid on the bonds, if Mr. Cohen makes 40 percent on the money, the fund will return 36 percent a year. That means that in only two years, he will have made roughly $10 trillion for the taxpayers, with which he can pay off the entire United States federal debt.

Let me see if I've got this straight: former trader Andrew Tong is suing hedge fund giant SAC Capital Advisors LLC because his supervisor Ping Jiang ordered him to swallow estrogen pills and wear women's clothing in order to make him more feminine in order to become a more successful trader, according to The New York Post.

SAC vehemently denies Tong's allegations, which the Post says are being investigated by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Tong also now claims he was sexually assaulted at work, a claim an S.A.C. flack told the newspaper was "scurrilous."

A couple of questions come to mind. First, why wouldn't Jiang just hire more women instead of making a man take female hormones? And could estrogen makes someone a savvier trader of stocks? None of it makes a lick of sense to me.

Wall Street's culture clearly isn't for the faint of heart. Sure, you can make tons of money, but the pressure to perform is enormous. People get chewed up and spit out at firms like S.A.C. fairly regularly. I have no idea whether the allegations against Tong are true, but I can tell you this isn't the first report of weird behavior among Wall Street's elite, and it won't be the last.