So Time Warner opened this morning at 16.93, and this afternoon it closed at 17.36, a 2.78 % gain.

2.78%. That was the change today. Not bad. Not good.

What does 2.78% gain mean, really?

Well, let's think about what a 2.78 % gain would have meant at certain moments in history.

• 1066 was the year of the Norman Conquest of England. A 2.78% gain would have meant the Normans invaded in June of 1095.
• In 1517, Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of the Wittberg Cathedral. A 2.78% gain would have resulted in 97.6 Theses nailed to the door of the Wittberg Cathedral.
• Abraham Lincoln began the Gettysburg Address with the famous words, "Four score and seven years ago." (This is apparently how you say the number 87 if you are a president in the nineteenth century.) A 2.78% gain would have forced him to begin the Gettysburg Address, "Four score and 7.19 years ago."
• In 1988, the Scottish band The Proclaimers had an enormous hit with the single "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)". A 2.78% gain would have forced The Proclaimers to re-name that song "I'm Gonna Be (513.9 Miles)".
• Gwyneth Paltrow, Brad Pitt, and Morgan Freeman all starred in the 1995 thriller Seven. A 2.78% gain would have forced the movie to be called Seven-Point-One-Nine.

  That, dear readers, is what a gain of 2.78% means.

What does 2.78 % mean? TWX closing bell report originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Thu, 27 Apr 2006 17:35:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.