Today might as well have just been called a nuisance of a trading day. Jobless claims fell by about 11,000, but failed to exude any optimism. Then two different Fed officials chimed in on the deflationary fear front. To top it off, the S&P charts are giving different reads near-term versus long-term.

Here were the unofficial closing bell levels:

Dow Jones 10,467.16 -30.72 (-0.29%)
S&P 500 1,101.53 -4.60 (-0.42%)
Nasdaq 2,251.69 -12.87 (-0.57%)

Paris Hilton has reportedly sued Hallmark for a greeting card that uses a photo of her and her trademarked catch-phrase "That's hot."

Hilton is seeking at least $500,000 in damages and a permanent injunction barring Hallmark from further use of her name, likeness, and catchphrase. She accuses the company of invading her privacy and misappropriating her image.

Yes, it isn't the sex tape that has hurt her privacy. Oh, and what about the innocent people who could have been harmed when Paris drove drunk? What about their rights to privacy/life? No, it's all a Hallmark greeting card.

Paris Hilton is being an idiot with this lawsuit. She's a public figure -- in fact, that's all she is. She's famous for being famous, and has been among the most shameless self-promoters this side of Don King. Given that, she should expect to be satirized, and that's exactly what Hallmark has done.

When Hilton went on Larry King after her release from the slammer, Paris talked about her "new outlook on life," and later mentioned her desire to do some good in the world and devote time to philanthropy.

She appears to be back to her old stunts: feeling sorry for herself as a result of her own self-inflicted celebrity. Hey Paris, get on with the charity work you waxed about, and stop being lame.

Multi-hyphenate Ellen DeGeneres has already proven herself a successful sitcom star, talk show (and Oscar!) hostess and gay-rights activist. The likable and tireless comedian is now ready for her next project -- sharing her witty observations with the masses through a line of greeting cards. Ms. DeGeneres has inked a deal with American Greetings (NYSE: AM) to design a line of 32 cards, which are slated to appear in stores this summer. A spokesperson with AM said the company is trying to sharpen its focus on humorous cards.

Always ready with a wry quip, DeGeneres noted that "I look at having a line of cards as another extension of being a host; helping you wish your loved ones well, piggybacking on your birthday greetings . . . doing it this way is much easier than crashing parties," she joked.

AM is currently in second place among greeting-card retailers, trailing privately held Hallmark. The stock has dropped more than 1% today, March 26th, as it continues to fight with technical resistance in the form of its overhead 10-week moving average.

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.