Here's one of those ubiquitous email jokes that has been circulating around the globe for the past few days -- except that this one is actually funny.

The Top 12 Signs the Economy Is Bad

12. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.

9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.

8. Obama met with small businesses GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup, and GM to discuss the Stimulus Package.

7. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children's names.

5. The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans. Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish your plate; do you know how many kids are starving in America?"

3. Motel Six won't leave the lights on.

2. The mafia is laying off judges.

1. If the bank returns your check marked as "insufficient funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The top 12 signs the economy is bad originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:10:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Continue reading The financial crisis and bailout: The drunks at the bar explanation

The financial crisis and bailout: The drunks at the bar explanation originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Thu, 05 Mar 2009 16:40:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Hilarious: Technical analysis predicts trouble originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:45:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Continue reading 2008: When Wall Street scandals started to sound like a Dickens novel

2008: When Wall Street scandals started to sound like a Dickens novel originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

As President-elect Obama looks for ways to save our economy, I'd like to humbly suggest he consider taking a page out of Oprah Winfrey's play book by offering an 'Everybody Gets a Chevy!" economic stimulus plan.

The measure, which would put a new American-built car or truck in every American driveway, would put GM back on its feet, send thousands of GM employees back to work and free up consumer cash for other necessities such as conversion kits and spinner hubcaps. And the cost? What's a few trillion among friends?

I'm undecided about whether Americans should have the opportunity to pick out the model and accessory packages of their free car. Put me down for a 'Vette, though. A red one.

And yes, this is satire.

How Obama could save Detroit, jobs, and stimulate the economy originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:44:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.

Question: When does a person decide to become a stockbroker?
Answer: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Why is a BMW a stockbroker's favorite car?
Because he can't spell Porsche.

Why did God create market analysts?
In order to make weather forecasters look good!

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: $3.50

I went to buy a toaster, and it came with a bank.

Trading online is just great. I find it really speeds things up. I now get my margin calls five times as fast.

Q: In these busy market times, how can you get the attention of your broker?
A: Say, "Hey, waiter!"

Funny bidness: A little gallows humor to lighten your day originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

An alternative to investing in the stock market originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Thu, 09 Oct 2008 14:37:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Ever wonder what the geniuses who work at fast food restaurants do when they want to amuse themselves? How about take a bubble bath in the nude in the kitchen sink, video tape it and post it on YouTube? Welcome to Burger King's (NYSE: BKC) public relations nightmare.

It seems that this caper was the bright idea of a Burger King employee who goes by the name "Mr. Unstable." With his tattoos and punk rock hairdo circa 1985, the moniker suits him well. From what I could gather from the low-quality sound on the video, Mr. Unstable wanted to get clean for his birthday. Amazingly, none of the employees at the restaurant thought this was unusual enough to tell the manager.

In fact, they told the manager that everything was cleaned up while the video camera was rolling. I guess she was too dumb to realize something was up. The employees involved were fired. Let's hope the remainder got IQ tests.

The video made the rounds of the internet and came to the attention of the county health commissioner, who was, of course, horrified.

When a local TV station contacted Burger King about this incident, a company flack emailed the following statement:

"Burger King Corp. was just notified of this incident and is cooperating fully with the health department. We have sanitized the sink and have disposed of all other kitchen tools and utensils that were used during the incident. . . . We have also taken appropriate corrective action on the employees that were involved in this video. Additionally, the remaining staff at this restaurant is being retrained in health and sanitation procedures."

They also might add training to avoid hiring employees who call themselves "Mr. Unstable."

Bubbles and fries: Burger King employee takes bath in kitchen sink originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:50:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

The following story came to me this week from a reader who's sentiments may be shared by a lot folks. If I am the last one on the planet to have seen it and it has been circulating around the web for a long time, please excuse my redundancy.

The story pokes fun at business bureaucracy, mismanagement, corporate fairness, employee relations and more. Finding this type of story more often in your in-box displays a kind of recession fatigue and growing cynicism.

A foreign company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the foreign company won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the foreign team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised that too many people were steering the boat while not enough people were rowing.

Continue reading Sunday Funnies: Big business & recession fatigue support cynicism

Sunday Funnies: Big business & recession fatigue support cynicism originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:10:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

More subprime gallows humor originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:02:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

The ridiculous story published by the New York times yesterday regarding John McCain's encounters with a Washington lobbyist offered little to it's readers or the voting American public. It was a waste of time on talk shows and the broader media coverage it received shows how petty election politics can be.

Every official in Washington is constantly being bombarded by thousands of lobbyist's all the time and someone in McCains position (and Obama's and Clinton's) get no relief. If his wife is not griping when he gets closer to some then others and they happen to be attractive too, we have nothing to say about it, unless it crosses some legal or ethical boundary.

McCain was unhappy. I was unhappy and most pundits I listened to thought as much of the story as I did. However, I might have handled it with some good humor. McCain should have issued a press release with pictures of the top 100 best looking lobbyists (male and female) that he has met with over the past five years. Let them run that in the New Yorks Times. Now that would spark huge readership.

Sheldon Liber is the CEO of a small private investment company and the principal for design and research at an architecture & planning firm. He writes the columns Chasing Value and Serious Money.

If McCain had a sense of humor originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Fri, 22 Feb 2008 15:58:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Drawing upon inspiration from its successful Fox Entertainment division, we hear that a number of new programs are under consideration:

• Homer Nose Business -- a "Simpsons" take on making 'd'oh' in the food and beverage industries, with field reporters Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Jr. and Moe Szyslak.
• 24:00 Stocks -- Kiefer Sutherland hosts a new studio show in which CEOs of tanking corporations are subjected to waterboarding and other amusing non-torture interview techniques in order to extract crucial investor information.
• American Idle --The 'idle rich' report by Paris Hilton, featuring the latest exposés directly from the wellspring of the trickle-down economy.
• Prison Break-- Five-minute updates hosted by Andrew Fastow, Conrad Black and Lou Pearlman, live from their offices in U.S. Federal government facilities.

Continue reading Here's how Fox Business Network can get viewers

Here's how Fox Business Network can get viewers originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Fri, 04 Jan 2008 18:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

• Courtesy hello -- I really enjoyed awkwardly waving at you
• Graduation -- Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of your life
• Business - Just getting on your radar because I may need something from you soon

Funny Bidness -- e-cards that rock; robot spy blimp; Spiderpig hoax; a fishy spa treatment originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Sat, 25 Aug 2007 09:02:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

I have not been able to verify the following information as truth in fact but I received this report in an important message from my father and knew that I must pass it along. The following text is an examination of routine airliner service work orders and the mechanic's responses in compliance.

Once again, I must make clear that I have not verified this information. The only thing I can tell you for sure is that when I read this I laughed myself to tears.

The following is a list of maintenance service requests by pilots of a major parcel carrier and the resolutions stated by ground crew engineers. Pilot complaints are marked with a (P) and service technician responses are marked with an (S):

Continue reading Airline mechanics held to high standards

Airline mechanics held to high standards originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Tue, 13 Mar 2007 16:02:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

I received a torrent of comments to my recent blog post: American Idol: Are Indian call centers skewing the vote? and some of the responses had me rolling with laughter. I'm sure my perspective will not be shared by all, but shared it will be. Among all opinions there was consensus that contestant Sanjaya has outlasted his level of talent. My colleague Jonathan Berr had a different view when he posted Vote for the Worst is messing with American Idol, not Indian call centers. Still others thought Sanjaya was still on the show because he was an anti-judges vote, or young and cute, or even gay... a gay vote?

Having read everyone's thinking on the subject, which was one of my motivations for writing the story, I think it is all of the above. I hope that the "Vote for the Worst" does not have a major impact on the eventual outcome. Consider that the show has created opportunities for young talent to gain an audience, while entertaining millions with something better than infomercials and melodramas about doom and destruction.

The funniest comment of the week goes to VM who thought to critique my commentary with humor and succeeded. Thanks VM:

I own 25 call centers in India, and all my staff is just sitting idle during the American Idol. It is the great Indian Idle during American Idol.

So I have asked them to download the American Idol video -- as it is available on Bit Torrent as soon as it is aired -- there are lots of fans in India who download the show immediately, and get Sanjaya's number and start voting for him. For every vote, I reward with a point, and with every 100 points, they get a pay grade increase. So -- American Idol contestants, contact me if you want to win -- I can hook you up.

Continue reading Sunday Funnies: American Idol - Indian Idle

Sunday Funnies: American Idol - Indian Idle originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:20:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

The most valuable thing on earth after life itself is TRUST.

Why is President Bush watching his approval rating collapse month after month -- Do you trust him? What has he done to build trust? Why are we so comfortable living with England having nuclear weapons and are panic-stricken by Iran's having them -- do you trust them? What have they done to build trust?

What was the cause of Adam & Eve's being banished from the garden of Eden? A breach of trust. Right from the start, up until this very moment it is trust that creates brotherhood between peoples and also builds strong brands. Trust that allows a temporary leap of faith until the facts are known and it is trust that positions the market place for "just-in-time" manufacturing and without which the process would come to a swift and grinding halt.

Johnson & Johnson did all the right things way back when they had the now-historic Tylenol tampering scare to contend with and they wisely focused their attention on maintaining trust at all costs. Enron did all the wrong things. Arthur Anderson drowned in a sea of mistrust flowing from their own questionable ethics and we witnessed a very valuable enterprise rapidly collapse. In my architecture practice I have lectured on this subject constantly to everyone who would listen; staff, clients, consultants, public officials etc. Anything that builds trust is a good thing, anything that reduces trust is a bad thing!

Continue reading More valuable than gold, oil, land, stocks, & Treasury notes

More valuable than gold, oil, land, stocks, & Treasury notes originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Sun, 11 Jun 2006 11:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

When the market heads south like it did this Tuesday, May 30, negativity and panic start to materialize out of nowhere. I always wonder why fear takes hold so fast. To me big market swings imply too much speculation. Investors should be just fine. If you can tolerate some of my amateurish musing read on.

Rap this in the Wall Street Journal

The Market rocks back and forth

'Cause no one knows what anything's worth

Speculators, day traders and stupid people bleed

Running from rumors and data they cannot read

Knee jerk reactions by second guessers

Monday morning quarterbacks called analysts

Whose track record is one of shame

Making lame calls that bring them fame

So they blabber on with worthless information

Continue reading A Bad Rap for a Bad Market!

A Bad Rap for a Bad Market! originally appeared on BloggingStocks on Thu, 01 Jun 2006 18:43:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.