As the New York Times Dealbook pointed out yesterday, references to Paris Hilton and jokes at her expense have become all too widespread of late. For that reason, this post will endeavor to contain only a modest number of Paris Hilton jokes.

Bill Gross, the once-proud bond guru at PIMCO, mentioned Paris Hilton three times in his July Investment Outlook:

Whew, that was a close one! Ugly for a few days I guess, but it could have been much worse! No, I refer not to Paris Hilton upon her initial release from the LA County pokey after serving three days of hard time, but to the Bear Stearns/subprime crisis.

TMZ.com is reporting that heiress turned jailbird Paris Hilton has been offered $1 million to present a one-hour course at the The Learning Annex Real Estate and Wealth Expos in Seattle, Chicago, New York and Boston. The subject of the class would reportedly be "How to build your brand."

For a normal provider of education, hiring Paris Hilton as a teacher would probably be seen as something of a credibility killer. Not so for The Learning Annex. If you haven't seen the late-night infomercials, the Real Estate and Wealth Expos feature gurus including self-promoters like Robert Kiyosaki and Donald Trump, and convicted robber Russ Whitney. So The Learning Annex has a reputation slightly above that of O.J. Simpson.

But I'm not just writing this to knock on The Learning Annex. That's already been done before, most notably by the real estate guru's guru John T. Reed.

Actually, a seminar on branding by Paris Hilton might actually be less ridiculous than a seminar on real estate by Robert Kiyosaki. Paris Hilton was able to license her name to a brand of perfume, without any tangible success as anything other than being Paris Hilton. Robert Kiyosaki on the other hand, appears to have little in the way of a track record of success in anything other than building a brand around his own name. I would argue that the same is true of Donald Trump.

So while the idea of Paris Hilton teaching a class at a real estate and wealth expo might seem crazy, I would say she's more qualified to teach that class than a lot of the current faculty are to teach about real estate and wealth.

Last week, I went on a bit of a rant after learning from The New York Post that General Electric's (NYSE: GE) NBC Networks was considering shelling out $1 million to book Paris Hilton's first post-prison interview. Evidently, the Post was misinformed; late last week, NBC officials denied this claim. Now the other major networks - Walt Disney's (NYSE: DIS) ABC (employer of Hilton family friend Barbara Walters) and CBS Corp.'s (NYSE: CBS) eponymous network have all abandoned thoughts of an interview with the Hilton Hotels (NYSE: HLT) heiress.

A piece in The L.A. Times over the weekend noted that the decision across the 3 major networks came after an "intense jostling" between the "news" divisions for a sit-down with the socialite, who will be released from incarceration sometime today after serving a stint for probation violations related to a drunken-driving charge.

Talking heads with the networks are scrambling to defend the integrity of their organizations. A spokeswoman with NBC noted that "NBC News doesn't pay for interviews, period," while a former senior vice president with the Peacock network's news division implied that no one should benefit financially from a stint in jail.

Time Warner (NYSE: TWX) unit CNN has now reportedly booked Hilton for a sit-down with Larry King, but is offering no compensation. According to a (free) statement offered from behind bars to Ryan Seacrest, Paris now answers to a higher power than money. "I think that God makes everything happen for a reason," she told the entertainment-news correspondent, "and this is my time to figure out what my purpose is in life."

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

I don't blame Paris Hilton and her family for trying to sell their story.

After all, why should multinational conglomerates be the only ones who get rich off her misfortune? Why shouldn't the supposedly stupid blond heiress get a piece of the action?

Brian Montopoli wonders on CBS Corp's (NYSE: CBS) PublicEye blog whether paying for an interview with Hilton would be the worst thing in the world.

"Why don't they just pay for these interviews and then disclose that they've done so to their audience? " he writes. "Wouldn't that ultimately be more journalistically honest -- and even, on this skewed scale, more ethical."

Good point.

According to Advertising Age, the wake for broadcast television networks will be delayed a bit. Last week the big four finished pre-sale of advertising for the next season, and their estimated haul of $9.2 billion is up about 5% over the 2006-7 season.

Leading the pack was CBS Corp (NYSE: CBS) at $2.45 billion, followed closely by ABC (Walt Disney, NYSE: DIS). NBC (General Electric's NBC (NYSE: GE) lagging badly in ratings all season, brought home only $1.8 billion, finishing behind Fox (News Corp, NYSE: NWS) at $1.9 billion.

I'd guess it was these results that caused NBC to break the piggy bank open yesterday to win the Paris Hilton stakes. According to the New York Times, ABC's bid of $100,000 for the fleshpot's first post-jail interview was trounced by NBC. According to the Times, Barbara Walters said NBC offered in excess of $750,000 for the interview, to be conducted by the Today Show's Meredith Vieira.

If Ms. Hilton is not, as she claims, as dumb as she appears, she might realize $750 grand will cover the cost of one hell of a good chauffeur. And a few pair of BVDs.

General Electric (NYSE: GE) shareholders, listen up ... you may have a grievance or two for the next shareholder meeting with regard to how certain company divisions are spending their money. Today's New York Post reports that GE unit NBC Network has agreed to shell out up to $1 million for Paris Hilton's first televised interview once she is sprung from her time in the big house. Rumors from within the walls range from Paris finding religion, vowing to never drink and drive again (should she be applauded for deciding to simply follow the law?), and deciding to forgo her "dumb" act for a more mature persona.

The interview (I'm guessing, full of softball questions) will be conducted by Today Show co-host Meredith Vieira (per Paris' request) on the day (reportedly sometime next week) after the Hilton Hotels (NYSE: HLT) heiress is sprung. The Walt Disney Co.'s (NYSE: DIS) ABC Networks was assuming it had the rights to the first post-jail interview because its first lady of journalism, Barbara Walters, has become close with Paris's mom, Kathy, and has even talked to Paris during her incarceration. According to the Post, ABC was evidently the front-runner until NBC's president made a personal appeal to Paris' father.

People, we've got a years-long war going on. Environmental concerns are increasing, the cost of oil is crippling many, the housing market is in shambles. And did I mention the country has hardly been more divided? Why is this famous-for-being-famous vapid girl consuming so much of our nation's time, mental energy, and other resources? Well, I'm writing up this story, knowing people will want to read it, so I just answered my own question (although the bigger question of why Miss Hilton has created this perpetuating cycle of intrigue still remains).

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

In a perhaps somewhat misguided turn that could make carnivores out of the strictest vegetarians (I'm kidding, folks), animal-rights group PETA is considering signing the polarizing Paris Hilton as its latest spokeswoman.

Playing on the fact that the Hilton Hotels (NYSE: HLT) heiress and party girl is currently spending time behind bars, PETA officials hope Ms. Hilton grows to empathize with chickens and other animals who live out their days in cramped, confined spaces.

A PETA spokesperson told MSNBC's gossip columnist that "We're asking Paris to narrate our Kentucky Fried Cruelty video showing how chickens are routinely crammed into tiny cages and suffer broken wings and legs ... unlike inmates at the jail in L.A., these animals get no reprieve or medical treatment."

The group even has the tag line sewn up "KFC - that's not hot." My opinion? That's not creative, and the Yum! Brands (NYSE: YUM) chain should have nothing to worry about. While the ethical treatment of animals is an important issue, perhaps a more sympathetic, thoughtful spokesperson would better convey the severity of the problem. KFC officials say their chicken is purchased from suppliers such as Tyson Foods (NYSE: TSN) and Perdue Farms, which are all routinely monitored for animal welfare violations.

While Paris has yet to respond, PETA is encouraged by the precedent of Martha Stewart narrating an anti-fur video after her incarceration.

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

Professional blond Paris Hilton has got some deep-pocketed fans in corporate America, including Comcast Corp. (NASDAQ: CMCSA), Warner Music Group Corp. (NYSE: WMG) and Time Warner Inc. (NYSE: TWX), who are hoping that she can pay her debt to society pretty quickly.

Hilton, who was released from jail this morning because of a medical condition, has shrewdly cashed in on her notoriety. She deserves a gold medal for parlaying her 15 minutes of fame into a show-business career. She's responsible for many awful trends including the growth in popularity of small toy-sized dogs and celebrity sex tapes. Her economic impact is undeniable.

Though she's confined to her home for the next 40 days, expect to see quite a bit more of the ditzy heiress America loves to hate.

Comcast's E! cable network is the newest home to The Simple Life. In the latest season of the show that refuses to die, Hilton and her sometimes BFF (best friend forever), Nicole Richie, are camp counselors who, among other things, motivate a group of overweight children to live healthier. No word if binging and purging will be covered.

For reasons best known to CEO Edgar Bronfman, Warner Music is putting out Hilton's album Paris, which is on sale for $19.98. Time Warner's TMZ.com site and other entertainment sites can count on millions of people hitting their pages for the latest gossip on Hliton. By the way, TMZ is reporting that Hilton's problem is emotional, not physical.

I neglected to mention her contribution to literature. Speculation was rampant that Hilton was planning a book about her prison experience, which I guess now is out the window since she didn't actually spend much time in the slammer. Hilton, though, is pretty resourceful and will no doubt pen a sequel to Confessions of an Heiress once she recovers from her ordeal.

Remember that corporate America profits handsomely from pop culture fads, even bad ones.

Fans of the cancelled CBS Corp (NYSE: CBS) series Jericho (who knew there were any?) have organized an unusual protest campaign in hopes of convincing the network to bring back the serial drama. The protest plays upon the response of WWII General McCauliffe to a German order to surrender, "Nuts," which was quoted by a Jericho character under attack. Fans are shipping bag after bag of nuts, over 25,000 lbs. to date, to the network to illustrate their passion for the series.

Here's where it gets interesting. Instead of shipping the nuts themselves, the campaign is using the services of nutsonline.com, which offers a turnkey solution to the busy executive protester. In effect, their passion has become nutsonline.com's windfall. Not to mention the snack-deprived CBS employees.

With March Madness on the books and the World Series a long way away, the world's gamblers need another race to follow. With Prince William newly single, the odds-makers are placing stakes on who England's most eligible bachelor might be courting next.

On the list, with fairly generous odds of 20-1, is reportedly rehabilitated pop starlet Britney Spears, who was rumored to have engaged in email flirtation with Prince William five years ago. Other potential suitors for William (and therefore possible heirs to the throne of England -- how frightening) include Paris Hilton, with 14-1 odds (!), and Heather Mills (formerly Heather Mills McCartney), who has proven talented at earning the love of beloved Englishmen and then dragging their names and fortunes through the muck.

I'm not a gambling woman by nature, but I must say these odds are not ones I'd take. I just can't conceive of the chances being all that good for a Britney/William union (or a Paris/William match-up, for that matter). By means of comparison, bookmakers have set odds of 30 to 1 on the Cincinnati Reds winning the World Series (300 to 1 for the Washington Nationals), and there are certainly fewer teams in Major League Baseball than there are eligible young women interested in Prince William's hand.

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

It's a lesson as old as the elementary-school playground; if you want to get rid of an irritant, one of the best things to do is ignore it. This morning the Associated Press reported the end of a weeklong ban of stories about Paris Hilton.

The hotel-enterprise heiress, reality television "star," wannabe singer, and general pox on the future of America's youth has been speckled all over the news for all of her "adult" life, and editors at the AP were intrigued to see what would happen if they just ignored her antics for seven straight days.

As it turns out, there was a bit of a public outcry, but not because the world's gossip mongers wanted details of Paris' latest drunken entanglement (or the freshest not-safe-for-work snapshots). Rather, critics were concerned about what such a ban meant for the news industry in general. What topic, important or trivial, could possibly be next on the banning block?

Well on Tuesday, as the ban drew to a close, Miss Hilton was ticketed for driving with a suspended license (of course she was), and the news machine started cranking again. For now, but hopefully not forever, it's a Paris Hilton world; we just live in it.

Beth Gaston Moon is an analyst at Schaeffer's Investment Research.

Note to advertisers: be really careful who you pick to pitch your products.

Sure, you want a big name. You want convincing. You want sexy. But do you really want someone who doesn't even like your product? (Hint: no!)

Yesterday, Paris Hilton plead 'no contest' to one count of alcohol-related reckless driving -- she'll pay a fine and be on probation for 36 months. All this because she was really hungry (and drunk) and "wanted to have an In-N-Out burger."

Which all would be a juicy story, and par-for-the-course with the idle rich like Ms. Hilton. Except that she's a former spokesperson (spokesmodel?) for rival Carl's Jr., a unit of CKE Restaurants, Inc. (NYSE:CKR). There was so much egg (or was that hamburger grease?) on everyone's face, the incident made Business 2.0's list for dumbest moments in business.

I'll give this: you probably don't want your spokespeople drinking and driving. But if they do, and they're caught in the act and interviewed as to what was going on, wouldn't you want them to say, "I really wanted a Carl's Jr. burger?"

Pick your spokespeople like you pick your CEOs: make sure they love 'em a good ____ [your product goes here]. It will at least make for a good crawl on CNN. Any PR is good PR... right?

The people have spoken! The results are in for the Best and Worst of 2006 and the big winners include Donald Trump (in two different categories), Paris Hilton (with more votes than any other nominee in any category), President Bush, YouTube (edging out Borat), and this past year's skyrocketing gasoline prices.

Donald Trump didn't need the recent brouhaha with Rosie O'Donnell in order to triumph as the Most Annoying Money Personality of the Year, garnering 44% of the votes in that category. He didn't stop there. His signature comb-over was a very clear favorite as Worst Signature Style, with a whopping 85% of the vote (nearly 69 thousand votes). Readers evidently did not love the 'doo.

ExxonMobil's Lee Raymond came out on top as the Most Overpaid CEO (some very lively debate about it in the comments) with 63% of that vote. Readers also voted "real estate bubble" as the Most Overused Buzzword of 2006 with 47% of the vote in that category, and Northwest Airlines's dumpster-diving tips for laid-off employees the Dumbest Moment in Business with 45% of votes.

This post is written as part of AOL Money & Finance's Best & Worst 2006. If you believe Paris Hilton makes too much money, cast your vote.

Socialite, singer, actress, and model, Paris Hilton is an heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune. Already a celebrity in Manhattan and Los Angeles nightlife circles, she came to wide attention for starring in the reality television program The Simple Life, and for the infamous sex video that was leaked onto the Internet. She is also the niece of former child stars Kim and Kyle Richards, who appeared in the film Escape to Witch Mountain, and also distantly related to actresses Zsa Zsa Gabor and Elizabeth Taylor.

Hilton grew up in homes in Beverly Hills and the Hamptons, as well as a suite at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in Manhattan. She dropped out of high school, but earned a GED, and did not go on to college. Besides starring in The Simple Life, she has also had cameo appearances in television programs such as The OC and Veronica Mars, in music videos by Eminem and John Oates, starred in a TV commercial for the Carl's Jr. burger restaurant chain, and made numerous appearances at red carpet events. Her role in the film House of Wax earned her a Worst Supporting Actress Razzie Award in 2005.

She is the founder of Heiress Records, a record label whose only release is a Paris Hilton album. Her other projects include a line of jewelry, a chain of nightclubs, and a New York Times bestselling book of advice for would-be heiresses. In 2004 she participated in a campaign to encourage young people to vote, though it was later revealed that she hadn't bothered to register to vote herself.

While she has been quoted comparing herself to blonde icons Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe, she will reportedly appear in the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records as the world's most overrated celebrity.

The Most Overpaid Celebrity is shaping up to be the monster category in the Money Best & Worst of 2006, with almost 30,000 votes so far. Category leader Paris Hilton has garnered nearly 14,000 herself (more than any other nominee in any category), easily outstripping her recent party pal, Britney "Going Commando" Spears, at the bottom of the category with only about 2,200 votes.

Besides everyone's favorite pop tart, there are other Best & Worst nominees crying out for your help. How can Microsoft (NASDAQ:MSFT) founder Bill "I Wish I Weren't the Richest" Gates be in a distant fourth place as the Tycoon You'd Send to the Poor House with less than 250 votes? Only Warren Buffett's Signature specs have fewer votes than that. And how about Michael "Flaming Batteries" Dell of Dell Inc. (NASDAQ:DELL) trailing in the Fall from Grace category with 500 votes, Overused Buzzword "Web 2.0" with 400+ votes, or Krispy Kreme (NYSE:KKD) bringing up the rear as the Stock We're Rooting For with only 1,000 votes? Where are you, doughnut lovers?

You can, of course, support these and other Best & Worst underdogs by casting your vote. Remember, voting ends Christmas Eve. Results will be posted December 28.

And watch for profiles of nominees to in the Dumbest Business Decision and Money Story of the Year categories, coming soon.