Next time anyone chows down on a $5 organic apple at Whole Foods Market Inc. (NASDAQ: WFMI) or counts carbs on the Atkins and South Beach diets, they should think about the consequences of their actions on the struggling maker of Twinkies.

ABC News is reporting that Interstate Bakeries Corp., which has been operating under Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection since 2004, is threatening to shut down unless the company's unionized workforce makes some major concessions by September 30. The Kansas City-based baker, which has already announced plans to exit the bread business in Southern California and lay off 1,300 workers, also makes other wholesome fare such as Wonder Bread.

Though the story argues that if Interstate Bakeries is liquidated, some buyer will be happy to take over the Twinkie business, I am not so certain.

Sancti-mommies and a few sancti-daddies now rule the world. Kids today think that carrot sticks are snacks to be washed down with organic juice made from fruit hand-picked by colonies of aging hippies living on a collective farm. They have driven out sugary sodas from the schools and are cracking down on childhood obesity through non-competitive cardio activities that do not include ducking from balls of any sort.

Twinkies need to continue for another generation because they also provide a valuable introduction to children to the world of investing. When I was a kid, the spongy, cream-filled snacks were like gold in the trading market in my elementary school lunchroom that could be traded for anything. Times probably haven't changed much, and I imagine kids trying to swap celery sticks continue to get a chilly reception from their peers.

I came in late on the Battle of the Brands and missed a chance to join in the fun, but I have been keeping my own list, for what it's worth:

Borders Group Inc. (NYSE: BGP) vs. Barnes & Noble, Inc. (NYSE: BKS) -- Borders. Better coffee, magazine selection, and easy chairs. If only they didn't waste so much store space on those bound-paper things; there are shelves and shelves of them getting in the way of the gift cards, games, and Will Ferrell DVDs.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts (NYSE: KKD) vs. Dunkin' Donuts -- Krispy Kreme. Their trademark glazed ring is only 200 calories, while Dunkin' Donut's standard cake donut runs to 300. Stated in standard American consumption units, that would be 2,400 calories/dozen vs. 3,600.

Home Depot, Inc. (NYSE: HD) vs. Lowe's Companies, Inc. (NYSE: LOW) -- I choose Home Depot, for their attire. Every time I'm in a Lowe's, I find myself wondering why they can't wash their vests. Perhaps they should acquire Aramark.

Time Warner Inc.'s (NYSE: TWX) Time magazine vs. Washington Post Co.'s (NYSE: WPO) Newsweek -- Time. I found a couple of pages in the last issue of Newsweek where I actually had to read text. What's up with that?

Charmin, a product of Procter & Gamble (NYSE: PG), vs. Northern, a product of Koch Industries -- Charmin wipes out the competition. To paraphrase a CEO of BFI, their bottom line is my bottom line.

Jockeys vs. Boxers -- jockeys. They're holding a high pair.

Left turns vs. right -- Right. It's hard to hold the cell phone without spilling my coffee when turning left.

Babies vs. kittens -- They both start off cute, but evolve into creatures that lie around the house expecting to be pampered without bothering to show gratitude. A cat, however, won't expect you to send it to Yale, then blow off senior finals to go to the Burning Man Festival.

Baseball vs. waiting for a Twinkie to show signs of decay -- Baseball. They bring beer to you.